Not So Important Missions
by Vulion
Summary: Six Soul Calibur characters are forced to do some stupid missions, or else they'll be stuck in a temple forever, sucks don't it? NEW CHAPTER UP! Disclaimer: I own nothing!
1. It Start's

Not So Important Missions  
  
Chapter 1  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
******  
  
Hwang and Misturugi stand in front of a huge Oriental temple; red walls surrounded the main building and the huge garden in the courtyard, with a gigantic staircase leading upward to the front door. The bewildered warriors continue to stare at the temple, having appeared there five seconds prior.  
  
"Where the hell." Hwang started.  
  
".am I?" Mitsurugi ended.  
  
The two turn to each, finally noticing each other, took'em a while didn't it, and yelled in complete unison.  
  
"What are you doing here? Huh? Hey! Stop that! Why I outta."  
  
"Are you two finished?" asked a new male voice.  
  
The pair of feuding Asians turn to the source of the voice, the warrior Kilik, looking slightly annoyed at them. They immediately stop and sulk still shooting dirty looks at each other.  
  
"Jerk." Mitsurugi mumbled.  
  
"Loser." Hwang countered.  
  
"Ass."  
  
"Basatard."  
  
"Korean dog!"  
  
"Japanese warmonger!"  
  
"Motherfu-" the two started together, but once again Kilik interrupted.  
  
"DUMBASSES!!"  
  
Once again the pair turn to face Kilik, which by now is beyond pissed off.  
  
"If both of you don't shut up," he began "I'll release the evil seed inside and rip both your sorry asses apart!"  
  
The two immediately stopped their fighting, a looked down, avoiding eye contact with the evil seed bearer.  
  
"Okay, since we don't know what's going on here let's just go inside and see if we can find out anything?" Kilik proposed.  
  
"Right." His two companions said together, but before another fight broke out he stepped in between them and entered the temple.  
  
Inside the temple it was dark, except for a few torches that gave a meager amount of light, but it was enough for the men to see three women looking around.  
  
"Xianghua?" Kilik asked.  
  
"Seung Mina?" Hwang questioned.  
  
A silence followed their questions, they all turned to Mitsurugi, who was scratching himself.  
  
"What?" he asked, getting strange looks from the guys. "Oh, me too? Uh, okay, Taki?"  
  
"Kilik?" Xianghua asked.  
  
"Hwang?" Seung Mina questioned.  
  
Another silence followed, the girls turned to Taki, picking things out of her fingernails with her kodachi.  
  
"Huh?" she looked at the women, their expressions giving her the answer she needed. "Well, alright then, uh, Mitsurugi?"  
  
"What are you doing here?" Kilik asked.  
  
"We just appeared here." Xianghua answered.  
  
"Really?" Mitsurugi questioned, get only a nod from Taki. "Damn."  
  
******  
  
Meanwhile outside the temple, a certain Korean girl, hides in the bushes hoping to evade the others and escape.  
  
"I'll just sneak out and give Hwang the slip." She said, chuckling as she did.  
  
She finally reached the stairs, and assuming she was home free she jumped out happily.  
  
"Freedom, Freedom, Free-CRAP!!"  
  
Keyword word being 'assuming', because at the bottom of the stairs was none other then Hwang, arms crossed across his broad chest, tapping his foot impatiently, looking rather annoyed.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked in montone.  
  
"Umm, bathroom.?" she answered, rather unconvincingly.  
  
"Yeah, right, come let's go." He order, grabbing her arm and pulling her forward, a task much more difficult then it first seemed, as she didn't seem to want to move.  
  
"No way, I'm staying rooted to this spot!" she retaliated defiantly.  
  
Hwang let out a sigh, and began to rub his temples, finally he spoke.  
  
"Well, I guess I have no choice."  
  
"You're going to let me go?" she suddenly piped in hopefully.  
  
"No, uproot you!" he yelled as he grabbed her and threw the rebellious women over his shoulder.  
  
"Hey!" she protested. "Let me go!"  
  
"No." the soldier replied simply.  
  
It was at this point Seung Mina lost her cool, in a fit of rage she began flailing around wildly hoping that Hwang would lose his grip. Truth be told Hwang was losing his grip but, was determined to keep the upper hand, unfortunately the girl over his shoulder was not one to give up easily, and continued to fight. Eventually, Hwang lost his grip on her, but quickly grab her again, unfortunately, during all this she had slid forward a bit causing Hwang to grab her in the place neither one wanted, her rear end. A deafening silence followed, and I don't have to be a psychic to tell you it was awkward.  
  
"GET YOUR HAND OFF MY BUTT, YOU SICKO PERV!!!" she screeched.  
  
"Well, if hadn't been squirming, this wouldn't have happened!" he countered.  
  
The pair continued to argue all the back to the temple. ******  
  
Meanwhile inside the temple the remaining women were discussing a rather important subject.  
  
".and that's the key to a perfect manicure." Xianghua ended her lesson.  
  
"So that's it." Taki said, taking notes.  
  
"How the hell did this conversation turn to manicures?" Mitsurugi asked his companion.  
  
"It's a secret of the fairer sex." Answered, just as confused as the samurai.  
  
Before the could press the subject further, there was the sound of a door bursting open, turning to the direction of the sound the group saw an agitated Hwang carrying a pissed Seung Mina on his shoulders.  
  
"Hey." He greeted as he dropped the agitated young woman on her butt.  
  
"Be careful!" she scolded, rubbing her sore bottom.  
  
"Keepin' busy?" Mitsurugi mocked.  
  
"Shove it." Hwang shot back.  
  
"Sooooooooo, anything new?" Seung Mina asked.  
  
"Nothing." Xianghua answered hopelessly.  
  
"That's what you think!!" A new voice added.  
  
The group immediately began scanning there surroundings, hoping to find the sorce of the voice, finally Xianghua spotted him.  
  
"Look," she screamed. "on the ceiling, a ninja!"  
  
True to the Chinese woman's word, a ninja was on the ceiling. With a laugh he jumped down and tried to landed on his tip toes, why? I don't know, so just go with, any way, the force of the landing and his weight caused his foot to bend inward with a rather sickening crack. He immediately drop to the ground clutching his throbbing foot in an attempt to dull the pain.  
  
"Oooooooo, I'm gonna feel this tomorrow." He said to himself.  
  
"Um, mister ninja, sir?" Seung Mina asked.  
  
"I thought you ninja's had a perfect sense of balance." Mitsurugi said to Taki, while sweatdropping.  
  
"We are." she groaned, also sweatdropping.  
  
"WHAT!!!?" the injured shinobi replied venomously.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"Oh right," he jumped to his feet, and by the fact that he fell right back down, he foot still hurt, but he ignored it and stood up again. "I have a important message for all of you so listen well!"  
  
He dug into his gi, after pulling out a half-eaten butterfingers bar and a rubber ducky, he manage to fish out a scrap of paper.  
  
"And here it is," he announced as he began reading. "A gallon of milk, dozen eggs, a box of tampons.oh, wait, this is my wife's shopping list."  
  
"Not exactly, competent is he?" Mitsurugi commented.  
  
"Oh, shut up!" Taki yelled.  
  
The ninja continued to dig through his gi, this time pulling out several Evangelion manga's; finally he pulled out a scroll of paper.  
  
"Here it is!" he said triumphantly, holding the scroll above his head, only to have it snatched from his hand by Kilik.  
  
"I'll read it, thank you." He informed the bewildered ninja and began reading:  
  
Welcome warriors from all over the world, or at least Asia,  
I have called you here so you can do a few missions for me.  
The reason will be explained later, but for now I will have  
You do a simple mission to test your skills. By now you're  
Asking yourselves what obligation do you have to do this?  
Well let's just say you go only where I want you to go, when  
I want you to go, so escape is futile. Now your first mission  
Is to get the sword of Voldo's master, good luck, you'll need  
It.heh heh heh, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, *hack*  
*cough* oh crap! I think I just swallowed a fly, huh, hey, stop  
writing!  
  
"He swallowed a fly?" asked a bewildered Hwang.  
  
"And he wrote it down?" added Mitsurugi. "Yeah, he tends to do that." The ninja revealed.  
  
"Well, by the looks of it, we have to go, so let's get this over with." Kilik suggested.  
  
"Yeah, it's probably the only way to get out of here." Xianghua complied.  
  
"Yeah, but which direction is it?" asked Seung Mina.  
  
Suddenly a door burst open in the temple, sending a gust of wind inside the temple, and out of nowhere a voice boomed through out the building.  
  
"Head north for two days and you will reach Voldo's money pit!" it informed. "but before you go, take heed of this advice."  
  
The group listened intently to the voice hoping for great wisdom.  
  
"Stop by our gift shop, key chains to remember your trip, only $2.99!!"  
  
The group falls over anime style.  
  
"Come on, guys, let's go." Kilik said, getting up.  
  
"Right!" the rest agreed.  
  
And off our heroes go, to face unparalleled danger and a really creepy guy, confident they would escape this prison soon.  
  
.yeah, right, that'll happen.  
  
A/N: Hey, I'm back. Now you're all probably wondering why I took this off, well, the thing is, I DIDN'T!!! Someone reported me, and the fanfiction admins took it off for the damn format, TWICE!!!! Now that just pisses the hell out of me, but I'm back with a new format and hopefully I'll, stay, if I don't, I'm discontinuing this. Well, remember to review, again. 


	2. Camping Trip

The Not So Important Missions  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
Chapter 2  
  
******  
  
Our group of mighty warriors are at this point en route to Voldo's money pit, and just to give you their general mood, here's their commentary.  
  
"God dammit, this sucks!!!" voiced the agitated ninja of the group, Taki.  
  
"Yeah, Voldo is so damn creepy!" Seung Mina added.  
  
The two continued to complain, finally interupted by an annoyed Hwang.  
  
"Will you shut up!?"   
  
"NO!!!" was his only reply from Seung Mina.  
  
"Damn."  
  
"We're gonna need a lot of asprin on this trip." Mitsurugi mumbled to no one in particular.  
  
"How much longer?" Xianghua asked Kilik.  
  
"About half a day." the young man answered.  
  
The group continued their less than noble quest, all the while Seung Mina continued to complain about having to face the mad man known as Voldo, eventually, she got tired and stopped, much to the relief of everyones ears. Seeing she had nothing to do, the young Korean girl scanned her surrondings, only to find Hwang following her a little too closely.  
  
"Must you continously follow me?" she questioned the soldier.  
  
"Yes." he answered.  
  
"Why?" she asked. "It's not like I'm going to run away."  
  
Suddenly, Hwang froze, every body part rigid as a board, while his face showed serious shock.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked, voice full of concern.  
  
Her only answer was Hwang falling to his knees, hands cover his mouth, struggling to restrain something.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with him?" asked a perplexed Mitsurugi.  
  
"I don't know, he just fell to his knees." she replied, equally confused.  
  
All of a sudden, a strange noise escape his lips, a snort.  
  
"Huh...?"  
  
Even more snorts came to the surface, at this point Hwang, looked like he was holding back an explosion, but eventually the dam of his self-restraint broke, and he fell to the ground laughing his ass off.  
  
"What the...?" Seung Mina asked, completly suprised with Hwang's laughing.  
  
While our favorite Korean soldier laughed he also trying to say something, with huge emphasis on the word 'trying'.  
  
"Your not gonna, your not gonna, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!!!!!"  
  
Seung Mina repliy to his outburst was merely crossing her arms and scoffing, which did little to deter the laughing man from laughing at her expense.  
  
"R-r-r-un HA HA HA HA HA HA HA a-a-a-a-a-way HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"  
  
"Are you done yet?" she asked, beyond annoyed at this point.  
  
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"  
  
"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!"  
  
The man on the ground finally regained his composure, and got up.  
  
"Sorry." he said, snickerinng all the while.  
  
"Okay, you guys seem to be done, so let's go." Kilik stated.  
  
"Right." Hwang agreed, trying to supress the snickers escaping his throat.  
  
"Shut up." Seung Mina ordered, glaring as she did.  
  
"Told you we're gonna need a lot of asprin on this trip." Mitsurugi commented, again to no one in particular.  
  
Three hours later...  
  
"Can we stop for the night?" pleaded Seung Mina.  
  
"Yeah, we've been for hours." Taki added.  
  
"So?" Kilik questioned. "The faster we get there, the faster we get this over with, so, suck it up!!!"  
  
"I'm a little tired." Xianghua said suddenly.  
  
"Yeah, me too."  
  
"Suck up." coughed Mtisurugi and Hwang, hiding their chuckling faces when Kilik shot them a dirty look.  
  
"Alright, we have to set up camp," Kilik ordered "Hwang, you and Seung Mina go find us some water."  
  
The Korean pair nodded, took a pale and went off in search of a water source.  
  
"Taki, you and Mitsurugi find us some firewood.  
  
The kunoichi and samurai agreed and went off in search of fuel for the soon to be burning fire.  
  
"Xianghua, you and me will find some food."  
  
The beautiful chinese woman merely smiled and followed Kilik in his search for something to eat.  
  
One hour later...  
  
"Here's the water." Hwang said putting down his pale of water.  
  
"Got some firewood." Taki stated while she and Mitsurugi dropped their bundles of firewood.  
  
"Here's the grub." Kilik said, dropping a deer in front of the group.  
  
After lighting the fire and causing several second-degree burns to each other, the group sat down and ate their well deserved meal. During their meal the conversed on several topics, ranging from weaponry to whether or not Ivy prostituted herself as a side job.  
  
"By the way, Hwang?" Taki asked.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Where did you find the water?"  
  
"Oh, little ways north, a big lake, you can't miss it." Hwang informed, taking a huge bite out his portion of food.  
  
"Thanks, I'm going to check it out." and with that, Taki left.  
  
"Well, I'm going off." Kilik informed his comrades as he got up.  
  
"Where to?" asked Xianghua.  
  
"Oh, just to get some training in." and with that, he left camp.  
  
"Well, I'm off too." Xianghua said, as she left after Kilik.  
  
******  
  
Kilik thrust his staff forward, following up with turning around and spinning it above his head in a propeller-like motion, he then stopped and and thrust it backwards, spinning it over his shoulder to put back in right position in his hands. What Kilik didn't realize at this particular moment is that he had a secret audience in form of Xianghua, she watched from behind a tree as Kilik vaulted himself on top of his staff and amazingly balanced himself; for whatever reason Xianghua decided this would be the perfect time to make her presence known.  
  
"That was great!" she cheered, jumping out of her hiding spot.  
  
Kilik turned to the source of the voice and found himself blushing, this, unfortunatly, caused him to lose his concentration, which in turn made him lose his balance and fall on his face.  
  
"Oh my god!" Xianghua screamed as she saw the young warrior fall.  
  
Kilik turned over on his back and propped himself on one elbow, rubbing his forehead with his free hand. Xianghua, seeing that the young man was okay, began running up to him, but as she approached him, she tripped on a twig, causing her to fall into his arms. They were in a awkward position, to say the very, very least, Xianghua was currently in Kilik's arms, hands pressed against his broad, bare chest, looking up into his eyes, unable to tear her gaze away from them. Slowly and probably without knowing it, they drifted towards each other, growing closer with each passing second, untill the point their lips were barely centimeters apart. Unfortunatly for all you big romance fans this is a comedy fic, so in light of that fact, several flashes are seen from a nearby forest.  
  
******  
  
The source of the flashes was a camera, how one got to the sixteenth century, I don't know, but what I do know is that the person holding it is our friend, the ninja messenger.  
  
"Oh man, these are perfect!" the mysterious ninja said, gleefully. "I'm sure to get that premotion now."  
  
"The flashes came from over here!" a voice called out in the distance.  
  
The ninja turned to see the couple aproaching him, deciding it was prime time to make his exit, he sped off towards the forest. The mysterious masked man, quickly ran through the forest skillfully dodging any obstacle obscuring his path, well that is until he tripped on a twig, huh, another one, anyway, this made him fall and it just so happened he was near a hill.  
  
"Ouch, ow, oh, huh?" through his pain he saw something in front of him, a log.  
  
CRASH  
  
"Oh, crap, that hurt!!"   
  
Once again something was approaching him as he rolled down the hill, this time a boulder, which he hit full force, but some how bounced off and kept on rolling.  
  
"Oh shit, I could use a chiropracter."  
  
All things come to an end, great books, great movies, even the lives the greatest people on this planet can end, in the messengers case, what ended was the hill and in a cliff to, which he went soaring off of, right into a hive of wasps.  
  
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The ninja proceeds then to yell in a hi-pitched voice and run around like a chicken with its head cut off; some how he ran into a cave...full bears...that were hungry. The rest off the night screams can be heard, ranging from 'I need that!' to 'my arm's not edble'.  
  
******  
  
"You guys sure took your time." Seung Mina stated as Kilik and Xianghua returned to camp.  
  
"Sorry, we got distracted." Kilik apologized.  
  
"I'll bet." Mitsurugi chuckled, giving them a sly smile.  
  
"Not like that!" Xianghua nearly yelled, all the while her face began to resemble a tomato.  
  
After giving Mitsurugi a glare, Kilik asked.  
  
"Where's Taki?"  
  
"Oh, she went off to find the lake me and Hwang found." answered Seung Mina.  
  
"Oh, okay," Kilik then turned to Mitsurugi. "You go find her."  
  
"What? Why me?" he immediatly asked.  
  
"Because of your commentary." replied Xianghua.  
  
******  
  
Sighing in defeat, the warrior known as Mitsurugi, continued to trek through the forest where Taki was last seen, conjuring ways of getting revenge on the two that forced him into this. As he was thinking about how much fun it would be to hang Kilik by the hair off the side of a mountain, a splashing sound was heard, he then remebered that Taki was very intrested in a lake the two Korean's found. Moving toward the direction of the sound, he found the lake. To say it was a beautiful scene would be an understatement, the calm, cool waters smooth as steel, with the full moon reflecting on the surface, giving the water a beautiful glow. Without warning, the surface of the lake was penetrated, water erupting everywhere, immediatly Mitsurugi went to a defensive stance, but froze defore drawing his sword. There stood Taki, in all her glorious and I mean GLORIOUS nude glory, perfection from head to toe, the amazed samurai suddenly spotted a single droplet of water running down her hair, he watched unblinkingly as the drop left the hair and began caressing her cheek, and sliding down her neck and collarbone, finally drifting between her...at this point I regret to inform you all that the next fifty-seven pages have been edited out because of content, I'm not going above PG-13, so no more description of Taki nude, okay? Anyway, let's start where we left off, Mitsurugi staring at the goddess before him.   
  
"My god." the stunned warrior whispered, completly in a state of shock, having witnessed what he just had.  
  
As he stood in his drool, a thought occured to him, if Taki noticed him he'd have about as much chance of surviving as the Cubs chances for another world series in the next fifty years, so he began to back off, only to step on a twig, huh, have you noticed how much a little piece of dried wood has affected the story so far, an intresting thought, anyway the twig snaps, Taki notices Mitsurugi, and her angel like presence is replaced by that of a demon. Mitsurugi attempts a feeble smile, but seeing that fire surrounds her, his attempts are nothing more then meager resistance. The demon huntress charges forward, all the while Mitsurugi prays for his after life, and finally with a mighty roar and a mighty punch our favorite kunoichi sends our favorite samurai into orbit.  
  
******  
  
"Oh come on," Hwang yelled. "swords are way better then staffs."  
  
"A staff can be way more balanced then that measly, scrap of metal." Kilik retaliated.  
  
"Swords are deadly!"  
  
"A staff can be just as deadly!"  
  
"No way!"  
  
"Hell yeah!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Shut the hell up!" Seung Mina demanded loudly.  
  
"Yeah, it's getting annoying." Xianghua added.  
  
"Sorry." Kilik immediatly apologized.  
  
"Suck up." Hwang mumble, apparently disapproving Kilik's quick apology.  
  
"If you don't shut up...huh?"  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Xianghua.  
  
"Shhhh, listen."  
  
The rest of the group listened intently, and soon they to heard the sound, and also became increasingly aware that it was getting louder by the second.  
  
".................yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The sound was in fact, Mitsurugi screaming, but that was silenced when he rammed the ground full force, creating a crater ten feet deep.  
  
"Holy shit!" Kilik said helping the poor man out of the man-made crater.  
  
"What the hell happened to you?!" asked Hwang, amazed at how deep the crater was.  
  
" Ta...ki..." he replied weakly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Tell them and you'll regret being born." said a venemous voice behind them.  
  
The group turned to Taki, who was currently glaring at the injured samurai, as if saying 'I'm going to castrate you', thankfully Mitsurugi took the hint.  
  
"Okay, okay, okay!" Mitsurugi cowered.  
  
The remaining members of the group back and forth between the two, hoping the situation wouldn't escalate. Finally deciding it was time to turn everyone took their respective spots, Mitsurugi staying as far away from Taki as possible.  
  
"Well, time for sleep." Seung Mina said while stretching; out of nowhere a handcuff was securely around her wrist, she turned to the preson who put it on, non other then Hwang, who was handcuffing his own hand.  
  
"Just a precaution." he stated simply.  
  
He put the key in the back pocket of his pants and sat against a tree, pulling Seung Mina along with him, and almost immediatly fell asleep. Struggle as she did, she could not over come his strength and finally sat down beside him.  
  
"Arrogant asshole," she thought, looking at his face, silhoueted in the moon light. "Well, at least he's cute."  
  
Realizing what she just thought, her eyes bulged out and started to freak out.  
  
"How did that thought get in my head?!" she asked herself. "I can't believe I thought that!!"  
  
She then proceeded to konk her head on the tree Hwang was currently sleeping against.  
  
"Impure thoughts, *konk* impure thoughts, *konk* impure thoughts." this goes on for a good portion of the night.  
  
The next morning...  
  
"Alright, let's end this." Kilik said.  
  
"Right!!!" the rest chorused in unison.  
  
"Oww, not so loud." Seung Mina complained, massaging her horehead.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Hwang asked.  
  
"A head ache. Now if you don't mind." Seung Mina lifted her wrist, exposing the handcuff.  
  
"Right." he unlocked the handcuffs, releasing Seung Mina's sore wrist.  
  
"Okay, let's go."   
  
And with those words spoken, the group continued on towards Voldo's money pit, which by now all of you have forgotten, you know, with all the stupidity going around.  
  
******  
  
A/N: Ah, an update in time for the holiday's, well how was that? Sorry it took two weeks to get this up, but it's been rough during that time, plus the fact that I had to chamge the damn format, and be a hell of a lot more descriptive. I think this chapter answers the questions about the pairings, I mean there has to be something seriously wrong with you if you didn't get the hints. Well, anyway, I wanna say thanks to all my reviewers, and remind all of my readers to review, see ya! 


	3. Cave In

Not So Important Missions  
  
Chapter 3  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
******  
  
And so after a days travel, several confrontations between popular couples and a samurai being seen flying over Beijing, our group of chosen heroes stand before the entrance to Voldo's money pit.  
  
"Gee, isn't this nice." Hwang commented sarcasticaly.  
  
On cue with the Korean's words, a large group of bats fly out of the entrance. With a grim look on their faces the group enters; inside it was almost pitch black, the only light sources being a few torches scattered across the walls and the sunlight from the outside, all of which gave the place an eerie enough glow to scare Stephen King.  
  
"Well," Kilik started, looking back at his comrades. "let's go."  
  
In complience the group followed him into the inner bowels of the money pit, in silence they walked, the only sounds resonating in the endless darkness were that of their footsteps.  
  
"I don't like this place." Xianghua stated out of the blue, hoping to break the almost deafening silence.  
  
"Don't worry," Taki said encourgingly. "it's just the dark, there's nothing to be afraid of."  
  
"Uh, there's a bug on your arm." Kilik informed the kunoichi.  
  
With an ear-piercing scream the young woman known as Taki jumped right into Mitsurugi's arms flailing around madly in hopes of getting the insect of her.  
  
"Get it off, get it off, GET IT OFF!!!!"  
  
"Oh wait," Kilik said, examining her arm more closely. "It's just a peebble."  
  
The Kali-Yuga wielder laugh at his mistake, it was only when he heard a snarl of some fierce creature did he stop. Looking in the direction the sound came from, he saw Taki, angry, with her fist flying in the general direction of his face at rather alarming speed.  
  
"...crap." he mumbled silently, a second before a balled fist ramed his face.  
  
A loud thud echo through tunnels of the cave as Kilik hit the floor, dazed. The perpitater of the action merely scoffed and crossed her arms across her chest.  
  
"Serves him right."  
  
"Uh, Taki?" Mitsurugi asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you want me to, uh, let go?"  
  
Taki finally realized what position she was in, she was in Mitsurugi's arm's, her arms currently around his neck. Blushing so furiously the her face almost became a beacon in the darkness, she stammered a few apologies and released herself from his strong grip.  
  
"Well, Kilik's conscious and you two seem to be done, so let's go." Hwang suggested.  
  
The group, after getting Kilik up to his feet, continued on through the endless twist and turns of the abode of Voldo, well, until...  
  
"Oh damn, a fork." Seung Mina.  
  
True to the woman's observation there was an indeed a fork in the tunnel, one leading to the left, another to the left.  
  
"So which way do we go?" Mitsurugi asked, as if the answer was obvious.  
  
"Let's choose fast, I wanna get out of here as soon as possible." Kilik stated.  
  
"Why, because of Voldo?" Xianghua inquired.  
  
"That, and this cave doesn't look too stable."  
  
"Doesn't look that way to me." Hwang commented punching a wall.  
  
Letting Hwang be right would be uninteresting, and this is supposed to be an interesting fic, yeah, right, good luck with that. Anyway, the ceiling starts to cave in, thankfully the entire ceiling doesn't collapse, but unfortunatly enough of it falls to seperate the guys from the gals.  
  
"Belive me, Hwang, it is that unstable." Kilik said annoyingly.  
  
"Heh heh, oops..." Hwang chuckled sheepishly, sweat dropping.  
  
******  
  
"Well, that was unexpected." Xianghua stated.  
  
"That idiot, Hwang." Seung Mina mumbled irritably.  
  
"Well, I doubt we could dig through that, so let's continue on." Taki said.  
  
The other woman merely nodded and again began their trek through the seemingly endless cave. They moved in silence, that is until Seung Mina sighed.  
  
"I hope their okay."  
  
"Worried about Hwang?" Xianghua asked in a sly tone.  
  
"Yeah, I hope..." Then she stoped, her eyes tripling in size in realization of what she just said. "No, no, no, I'm not, he's a stuck up ass!!!"  
  
Xianghua merely giggled, as her friend stummbled for words, while the other woman in the group just rolled her eyes.  
  
"Men will just get in our way." Taki informed.  
  
"Speak for yourself." Xianghua retaliated.  
  
"What do you mean?" Taki questioned.  
  
"You seemed all to happy to be in Mitsurugi's arms."  
  
It was Taki's turn to blush as she began to search for the appropriate word's but coming up empty, once again Xianghua giggled as her theory was proven. The other women in the vicinety merely narrowed their eyes a smiled evily.  
  
"What about you and Kilik?" Seung Mina demanded.  
  
"Uh, uh, w-w-well..." Xianghua stammered.  
  
The two woman just smirked at the flustered chinese woman, and finally shared a laugh.  
  
"Oh, let's just focus on finding the guys."  
  
"Right, the three of us should find them in no time." Seung Mina said.  
  
"YEAH!!" the trio chorused in unison.  
  
Hearing the rather loud yell, a mouse exited it's hole, curious to see what had made all the noise. Apparently escaping the notice of the girls it approached them and squeaked, the girls looked down at it.  
  
"It's..." Taki started.  
  
"...a..." Xianghua added.  
  
"...mouse." Seung Mina finished.  
  
An loud shriek was heard through out the money pit.  
  
******  
  
As the guys walked through the portion of the cave, they heard a loud shriek, and after regaining their ability to hear, they looked around.  
  
"What the hell was that?" Hwang asked.  
  
"Ten bucks say the girls saw a mouse!" Mitsurugi offered.  
  
"You're on!" Kilik accepted.  
  
"Well, whatever it was it was definetly was close." Hwang said.  
  
The other guys nodded and continued on, Kilik in front with Hwang and Mitsurugi on either side, the walked until Kilik stepped on what seemed to be a button.  
  
"What the--?"  
  
Kilik recieved his answer in the form of two logs, flying towards each other and colliding an inch in front of his face.  
  
"Looks like we won't get through here without much difficulty." Mitsurugi commented.  
  
"For once I'm agreement." Kilik agreed.  
  
"I'll go first." Hwang offered, the other two nodded.  
  
Hwang took the lead and made his way through the unexplored sectors of money pit, and for a while it seemed to be safe, but like before there is a keyword, this time it's 'seemed', but it wasn't safe as several ball and chains suddenly started started whirling around.  
  
"Their mine!" Hwang yelled as he charged forward.  
  
The Korean hero avoiding the weapons skillfully, he then proceeded to sever the chains the held the iron balls, When he finished he did his victory pose and smirked.  
  
"Behind you!" Kilik warned.  
  
Hwang turned, only to have an iron ball he missed smash his face in.  
  
"Oooooooooooo." Mitsurugi moaned.  
  
"That's gotta hurt." Kilik commented.  
  
"Cheezy Weezy." Hwang mumbled stupidly.  
  
The two conscious members of the party helped the unconscious up to his feet and proceeded to back hand him awake. As the soldier's cheeks began to match the color of a tomato he regained his composure.  
  
"Okay, dammit, I'm awake." Hwang complained.  
  
"Guess it's my turn." Mitsurugi mumbled.  
  
The samurai proceeded to lead the way, when, out of no where an arrow embeded itself a centimeter from his nose.  
  
"Holy..."  
  
Before the swear was even complete, a whole barrage of arrows shot out at him, with some amazing manuverabilty and a lot of luck he avoided the all.  
  
"Phew, okay guys it's..."  
  
Again an arrow silenced him, this time embeding itself just below his crotch. The men looked at each other, no one willing to make the first move, finally Kilik asked.  
  
"What do we do now?"  
  
"I say we run through here as fast as possible and hope the traps don't kill us." Mitsurugi suggested.  
  
"I hate to admit it, but he's right, going to slow can kill us a lot easier." Hwang added.  
  
Kilik merely nodded and looked grimly the passage in front of him, then he turned to his soon-to-be dead friends.  
  
"Right then," he said steping between the others. "...GO!!!"  
  
With a mighty yell the guys charged forward to their almost sure deaths.  
  
******  
  
The girls were startled by a the sound of a far off explosion and a slight rumbling.  
  
"What was that?" Xianghua asked.  
  
"God knows..." Seung Mina answered.  
  
"Hey, I found something!" Taki informed her comrades.  
  
  
  
The girls gathered around the point specified, and found a small hole.  
  
"It links to the other side." she stated.  
  
"So, what now?" Seung Mina questioned.  
  
"Let's wait a little bit, maybe the guys will pass by." Xianghua answered simply.  
  
******  
  
Back to the other side of the cave, the guys emerge from the trap filled, alive, but completly charred black, in unison they cough up smoke.  
  
"How the hell did you miss that flamethrower?!" Hwang asked furiously.  
  
"Well sorry if I was trying to avoid getting a spike shoved clean up my ass!!!" Mitsurugi retaliated  
  
"Will you two shut up?!" Kilik yelled. "It's bad enough we got fried!!"  
  
The feuding duo mumbled their apologizes and merely continued to glare at each other as they made their way through the safer parts of the cave, that is until the found a small hole.  
  
"A hole." Hwang said.  
  
"No." Mitsurugi mocked.  
  
"Hmm, the wall around seems weak, maybe we could break through it."  
  
"How?" Hwang asked.  
  
"Here's how!" The samurai of the group yelled as he samshed himself into the thin wall.  
  
Dust spread everywhere, hampering everybody's field of vision, Misturugi coughed as he felt for something to support himself with, he finally found what he thought was a wall.  
  
'What the hell, why is this wall so soft?' Mitsurugi thought.  
  
"Yo, you guys okay?" Hwang yelled.  
  
"Yeah, I'm good." Mitsurugi replied. 'soft, yet firm, why is a fabric covering it?'  
  
The dust finally cleared and to Mitsurugi's horror it revealed Taki's pissed off face, and his hands on her breasts. Immediatly realizing his horrid mistake he released them and stared at her fire filled eyes in horror.  
  
"U-u-umm, s-s-sorry..." He stammered.  
  
"PERVERT!!!!" the kunoichi schreeched.  
  
And with those words said, a great chase insued, one that would end in the death of Mitsurugi.  
  
Meanwhile Seung Mina stumbled through the dust, unable to see beyond her nose. Suddenly a hand grasped her shoulder, going on instinct, she thrust her zanbatou's wooden end into the assailants stomach, twirling around she hit the persons head with the flat of her weapons blade. Her oppenent subdued she pointed her blade against his chest.  
  
"Show yourself!"  
  
A hand grab the dull part of the blade of her zanbatou and showed his face, it was that of Hwang.  
  
"IT'S ME!!" he yelled.  
  
She merely scratched her head, sweatdropping.  
  
"Okay then, where are the others?" Hwang asked, rubbing his head.  
  
"Right here." a voice spoke up.  
  
The pair turned to see Kilik and Xianghua emerge from the dust.  
  
"You guys okay?" Kilik asked.  
  
"For the most part, where's Mitsurugi and Taki?" Hwang asked.  
  
"I heard Mitsurugi scream." Xianghua informed.  
  
"What did he do this time?" Seung Mina asked.  
  
"Well whatever he did, he's gonna get his ass kicked." Kilik stated.  
  
******  
  
Mitsurugi had faced many powerful abversaries in his twenty-nine years of life but none had any comparison to what stood before him as his back was pressed against the stairs, Taki, pissed beyond pissed at this point as she readied to kill him.  
  
"P-p-please, T-Taki, it was an accident." He pleaded.  
  
"Prepare to...huh?"  
  
Unfotunatly I can't let Mitsurugi die, he'll still play a major role in this story. So Taki notices something at the top of the stairs Mitsurugi is currently cowering against, huge double doors with the words 'Treasure Vault' above them.  
  
"Yes, we found it!" she voiced happily.  
  
The samurai on the ground breathes a sigh of relief, thinking he was safe from harm. Unfortunatly he thought wrong, for as Taki ran up the stairs, she stepped on his crotch, but before the poor guy could even utter a cry of disapproval she stepped on his face, knocking him out. After a few minutes of of laying on the floor he got up, shakingly he got to his feet and headed for the exit in hopes of finding the others. The others as it seemed found him, for as he reached for the door, it burst open knocking him to the floor, and as his friends ran through the room they trampled him.  
  
******  
  
Taki stood in awe at the sight before, mountains of gold stacked up on top of each other, multitudes of silver everywhere, precious stones on the floor like pebbles. The most amazing aspect was that there was a ship tied to a dock, and a waterway leading outside.  
  
"Holy shit..." she whispered to herself.  
  
"Taki!" came a voice from behind.  
  
She turned to see the group approach her.  
  
"Where's Mitsurugi?" Kilik asked.  
  
"He should have been back there." she answered.  
  
"Well, he wasn't." Hwang said.  
  
"He should--" Taki started but was interupted by a terrible hiss.  
  
It was in that moment Voldo made his presence known, rolling in curled up in a ball, after making a few laps he uncurled himself and made another hiss.  
  
"Uh, Voldo, behind you." Taki informed the demented madman.  
  
Voldo fell over anime style, and turned around and made another hiss, but all he got as reaction was confused stares, so he hissed again, but again it failed to get the intended reaction. This continues for quiet sometime, by this time Voldo has a few anime veins on his head, apparently angry that his victims don't understand what he's trying to say. Finally his anger reaches a breaking point and probably for the first time he yells.  
  
"'Prepare to die', for the love of god, how hard is it to figure out, god damn!!!"  
  
Feeling the need to release his anger he dived for the group, catching Seung Mina off guard and pinning her to the ground.  
  
"Get the hell off her!" Hwang ordered as he unleashed set of furious sword slashes.  
  
Voldo merely twisted out of the way and jumped back avoiding the soldiers intial attack, but that did little to deter Hwang as he pressed his attack even more furiously then before, barely giving Voldo enough time to block. Though Hwang had the definate advantage his attacks were costing him energy, it was at this point Voldo caught Hwang off guard and slashed him across the chest sending him to the ground.  
  
"Hwang!" Seung Mina cried.  
  
Voldo laughed as he broke away from the group rolled to the dock.  
  
"You guys go after Voldo!" Seung Mina yelled. "I'll take care of Hwang."  
  
The rest of the group complied and ran after Voldo, surronding the light deprived man, but all he did was smirk. He then jumped towards the ship tied to the dock, bounced and slamed into Xianghua, sending her flying into the water.  
  
"Xianghua!" Kilik screamed as he saw her fall into the water, but what really horrified him were the shapes in the water, moving towards Xianghua, sharks.  
  
Without a moments hesitation he dived into the water, grabed Xianghua and threw her onto the dock, while Xianghua still a little dazed took a moment to regain her bearings. Finally realizing what was going on she scrambled to the docks edge, to help Kilik get back up before the sharks got to him, unfortunatly...  
  
"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Kilik went skyward as the shark went underwater, with some fabric from Kilik's cloths in it's mouth; Xianghua immediatly ran to him.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked voice full of concern.  
  
"I dunno, can you check?" He asked turning around.  
  
Xianghua scanned the back of his profile hoping not to find any damage, but she found where the fabric was torn, his rear end, cocking her head to the side she stared dreamly at it.  
  
"So is there anything wrong?" Kilik asked.  
  
"Nope, it's perfect..." she said in a dreamy tone.  
  
Finally realizing what was going on he covered up, blushing madly.  
  
Now on the other end of the dock the fight with Voldo, which by now some of you have forgotten was even going on, continues with Taki being back up against a corner.  
  
"Dammit, I need help." she admitted to herself.  
  
Suddenly a katana entered the fray and no it wasn't the one belonging to Mitsurugi, it was in the hands of the person your least expecting to see, the ninja messenger.  
  
"Take this vile creature!"  
  
The thought to be incomptent in every aspect of the word, ninja messenger, force the twisted Italian back.  
  
"Wait I know that fighting style! Could you be...?" Taki asked   
  
"Yes, it is I, Yoshimitsu!" the ninja yelled ripping off his black ninja gi to reveal his magneta robes, a flag and the infamous mask.  
  
"Wait, how did you keep all that hidden beneath your gi?"  
  
"I dunno, it's one of those anime things."  
  
"Uh, excuse me." an annoyed voice annouced behind them.  
  
The two turned to Voldo, tapping his foot impatiently.  
  
"Ha, take this!" Yoshimitsu yelled running towards his archrival.  
  
As the masked man ran forward he slipped on some fish guts, which just happened to be there out of pure chance, slid a few feet and embeded the upper half of his body into the hull of the ship.  
  
"Shoud've known that was going to happen..." taki sighed and then turned her attention towards Voldo.  
  
Unsheathing both her kodachi, she ran forward blades ready to stab, but Voldo dodged and made a swipe for her head, using cat-like reflexes she ducked, and rolled out of the way. Jumping to her feet she again faced Voldo, trying to think of a way to defeat him, but before a single impulse went through her head, Voldo jumped at her, his body hitting hers fully and pinning her to the ground. It was at the point Taki lost all hope, with Voldo towering above her, his weapon poised to strike, she knew her time was up, but miracously it didn't ended, because Voldo was forced off her by a knee to his chest.  
  
"Get back!" yelled her savoir Mitsurugi, as he pressed his offensice.  
  
Still recovering from his previous hit Voldo couldn't defend against the onslaught of attacks thet came next, and after taking his share off damage he laid down in defeat. Mitsurugi Turned to Taki breathing heavily, but with a slight smile on his face.  
  
"You okay?" he asked.  
  
"Um, uh, y-yeah." she was at a loss for words, the man she pratically killed on two sperate occasions just saved her life.  
  
"Hey!" someone behind them yelled.   
  
They turned to see the other members of the group approaching them, Seung Mina helping Hwang walk.  
  
"You guys okay?" Kilik asked.  
  
"Yeah, thanks to Mitsurugi." Taki answered.  
  
"Speak for yourself!" a muffled voice yelled.  
  
The group turned to the ship, in which Yoshimitsu is still embeded.  
  
"Yoshimitsu?" Seung Mina.  
  
"He's the ninja messenger." Taki informed.  
  
"That explains so much..." Hwang commented.  
  
And so our heroes help the incompetent Yoshimitsu out of the hull, though not without many splinters.  
  
"Thanks guys." he said leaning up against a mountain of gold.  
  
Sadly, the mountain of gold didn't have a strong enough foundation, so it fell and crushed the poor idiot.  
  
"Oh for the love of...huh? Hey, it's the sword!" Xianghua cheered.  
  
"Sweet! We can finally get out of here!" Seung Mina said happily.  
  
"But what about him?" Taki asked, pointing at an unconscious Voldo.  
  
"I'll take care of him..." Mitsurugi said while cracking his knuckles.  
  
******  
  
After returning to the surface, the group went on there merry way back to the temple from whence they came.  
  
"Did you think Voldo'll come after us?" Taki asked, to no in particulear.  
  
"Don't worry, I took care of him." Mitsurugi replied smirking.  
  
Voldo at the time was floating somewhere in the mediterranian see, tied to the mast of his ship by his own limber body parts.  
  
"But I can't help thinking we forgot something..." Xianghua said, trying to remeber.  
  
"Probably not important." Kilik assured her.  
  
******  
  
Though they did forget something, it lay back in the vault of Voldo's money pit crushed under a pile of gold.  
  
"Guys, a little help, hello? HEY!"   
  
A/N: For the record, that was a bitch to write, I mean that in both a good and a bad way. This without a doubt the longest thing I've ever written, so I hope you like it. Don't expect an update for a while, hell I'm suprised I wrote this with all the stuff distracting me. Well, see ya! 


	4. Irony

Not So Important Missions  
  
Chapter 1  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
******  
  
And so the warriors that were chosen by the cosmic force known as fate or in our case my insanity, boredom and gigantic ego, begin their return to the temple in which they are bond forever...  
  
...or at least until I get bored.  
  
"Well, that was something I don't want to do again." Hwang stated out of the blue.  
  
"No argument there." Seung Mina commented.  
  
"By the way," Hwang started. "We heard you girls shriek in the cave what was that all about?"  
  
"Oh, uh, we saw a...mouse." The once proud Korean girl admitted sheepishly.  
  
Behind them Kilik swore under his breath and handed the agreed amount to the gleeful Mitsurugi, who was all too happy to take the money of his hands. Finally after another day's travel, a squirrel hunt, a nudist camp and somehow being forced into slave labor by Starbucks, they made to the bane of their existence...my house?!  
  
"Mitsurugi, you were supposed to find the temple!" Taki complained.  
  
"I know, but I feel the person that forced us into this is in there." Mitsurugi responded seriously.  
  
The all looked toward the house not a single sound was heard except for the furious typing of a keyboard, the person doing the typing was in fact a young man with long blonde hair, glasses perched on his nose, and what resembled peach fuzz under his nose. It was at this point the rest of the group burst out laughing, rolling on the ground holding their sides.  
  
"God damn that's stupid!" Kilik gasped between laughs.  
  
"Yeah, Mitsurugi, to think some sixteen year-old is control every aspect of our lives, that's completely ridiculous!" Xianghua added.  
  
...poor, poor misguided idiots, I in fact AM controlling every aspect of their waking and sometimes sleeping lives, if only they listened to Mitsurugi, oh well, sucks for them. Okay, after they stopped laughing and began to breath again they headed in the right direction, all the while Mitsurugi brought up the rear, still convinced he was right...well he was but no one believed him. Anyway, they finally reached the temple, looking as regal as ever, but to them it's like High School, a vicious, life-sucking bitch from which there is no escape.  
  
"Come on," Kilik said to the group. "Let's go."  
  
The rest of party nodded and approached the gate, Kilik reached for the handle pushed forward and...stood still, the gate wasn't moving.  
  
"Oh shit!" exclaimed Hwang. "Don't tell me it's locked.'  
  
"Looks that way..." Kilik responded as he massaged his forehead, trying to think of how many more ways they could get screwed over.  
  
"We'll need to find a way over the wall." Xianghua suggested.  
  
"Maybe, Taki can get over it!" Seung Mina recommended.  
  
"She could, the walls aren't that high." Mitsurugi said putting his hand on the smooth surface of the wall, unfortunately when he did two hundred thousand volts electrocuted him, dropping him instantly that's right, samurai, extra crispy...what? I couldn't leave the thing unguarded could I?  
  
"Guess that's not an option anymore." Taki stated, looking at the twitching form of Mitsurugi.  
  
"Damn, looks like we'll have to look around." Kilik informed the non-fried members of the group.  
  
"Right, let's split up into three groups, and meet back say, half an hour." Seung Mina added.  
  
With that our heroes split up Hwang going with Seung Mina, Xianghua following Kilik and Taki staying with the charred Mitsurugi, who at this point is still unconscious.  
  
******  
  
Hwang watched Seung Mina closely, looking for any sign that would lead to her taking a chance at running off. His cool, precise eyes scanned his surroundings for a split second, checking for anything dangerous, before returning to the woman in front of him.  
  
"Like what you see?" Seung Mina asked, a smirk on her lips.  
  
"About as much as I like eating mud."  
  
The swift and cruel reply made the girl in front of him turn away, he sighed quietly almost wishing he could take it back, but he couldn't let her know his attraction to her. Ever since Voldo's money pit, seeing her pinned down by that mad man, he had become a bit protective of her, not that it was wrong, she was attractive, any man would want her, her face, her laugh, her fiery personality, her beautiful body...  
  
CRASH  
  
Unfortunately, I am the master of ruining things, and the way I ruined this is having Hwang walk into a tree, seeing he was so deep in thought he wasn't paying any attention to where he going.  
  
"Are you okay?" Seung Mina asked running up beside the downed Korean soldier.  
  
"Of course." Hwang shot back, jumping up, but unfortunately, there was a low branch right where Hwang's thick, thick head was intending to go.  
  
With a loud crack the branch broke off completely, and although our friends head is harder then stone, he still took some damage. Stumbling around for a little while he finally steadied himself, by stepping in a nest full of bird eggs, this nest sadly was the nest of a blue jay, which as we know is the most protective of all birds, and seeing as its eggs were completely smashed, it was understandable that it was a little peeved. Seung Mina just watched silently as Hwang ran back and forth like an idiot, flailing his arms wildly in hopes of getting the bird to leave, while the bird intent on getting revenge, continued to peck and claw at his face.  
  
"Need some help now?" Seung Mina inquired, holding back a smirk that was trying to force its way onto her features.  
  
"No!" He yelled back, just as the bird pecked at his eye.  
  
It was Hwang's turn to be pissed off finally tired of having to run away from the small, but ferocious animal. He grabbed it, looked at it with pure hat and spite, threw it with full strength at the wall, which in turn would have activated, had the bird not caught itself in mid flight and flew off.  
  
"Yeah, you better run!" Hwang screamed after it.  
  
"Men." His companion sighed and continued to look for an alternate exit.  
  
With those words said the continued to look for a back entrance, well until the blue jay attacked Hwang again.  
  
******  
  
Meanwhile the second pair were continuing to look on their side of the temple, to bad they're not gonna find anything.  
  
"Damn, nothing." Kilik muttered under his breath.  
  
"Don't worry; we're bond to find something." Xianghua stated optimistically.  
  
Kilik smiled, no matter what the situation Xianghua always had a positive out look on it, and her optimism always made him feel better. Unfortunately, we males don't use our brains often, but on the rare occasions that we do, it does tend to make us oblivious to our surroundings, as was Kilik's case, where a yellow apple he stepped on caused him to trip and fall face first into the ground.  
  
"Oh my god, are okay?!" Xianghua asked, while rushing over to the prone form of the Kali-Yuga user.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Kilik answered, rubbing his throbbing nose.  
  
Xianghua giggled at his current situation, his body cover in grass, his face smudged with dirt, this of course didn't escape Kilik's notice, he blushed and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. Now would you look at that, another cute moment between the two, time to ruin it.  
  
"You!" yelled an unknown voice.  
  
The two turned to the source of the voice, Voldo; yes he can talk this fic, if you don't like it, to bad. Anyhow, the two stare at him in shock, they thought he was still tied to the mast of the ship that they sent to sea.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here!?" Kilik demanded, going into his fighting stance.  
  
"The sword of my master, give it to me!" Voldo ordered.  
  
"No way, that's our ticket out of here!" Xianghua countered.  
  
Voldo growled he didn't care if they wanted the sword to get out of whatever hellhole they were in; no one stole from his master and got away with it. He kneeled, charging up his soul power, and launched himself forward, unfortunately, like me, Kilik and Xianghua had seen the attack before, were able to dodge it easily, and, Voldo, like my friends, instead went into the wall that currently had an active defense which fried the poor Hell Guardian.  
  
"Well, that was easy." Kilik stated.  
  
"But what do we do about the body?" Xianghua asked looking at the sizzling body of Voldo.  
  
Kilik thought for a moment, finally it hit him, he knew exactly what to do to honor the man currently twitching in front of him, so they chucked the body in the forest and continued their search.  
  
******  
  
Mitsurugi slowly opened his eyes, every movement bringing a painful surge of electricity to surge through him. Ignoring his pain he slowly pushed himself to his feet, but as soon as he was standing, his legs began to give away, stumbling a few feet he finally found something to support himself with.  
  
"You wanna lose that hand don't you?" growled a feral voice.  
  
Ice began to settle in Mitsurugi's veins, slowly he turned towards the direction of the voice. His fears were confirmed when he found his hand on Taki's rear end.  
  
"DIE!!!!" she screeched as she kicked him in the stomach, sending him skyward.  
  
******  
  
Meanwhile on the other side of the temple the remaining members of the group met.  
  
"What happened to your face?" Xianghua asked Hwang, noting all the scratches and fresh blood.  
  
"A disagreement with nature."  
  
"So what do we do now?" asked Seung Mina.  
  
While the group talked, Mitsurugi fell from the sky, right behind a bush, but the only one that noticed was Kilik.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"What was what?" Xianghua inquired.  
  
Seeing nothing behind him, he shrugged it off and continued to converse with his traveling companions, though the second he turned away Mitsurugi stood up, only to be tackled by Taki. And so an epic ass kicking proceeded behind the bush, either one or the other popping in and out of it, and all of this went unnoticed by the others.  
  
"Maybe we should see if Taki and Mitsurugi found anything." Suggested Hwang.  
  
"We didn't find anything." A familiar feminine voice informed them from behind.  
  
The group turned to Taki, who at this point was dragging an unconscious Mitsurugi behind her.  
  
"Shit!" Kilik swore.  
  
The rest of the group just sighed, seeing the situation was hopeless, they were just about to give when a familiar voice broke the silence.  
  
"You give up too easily!"  
  
They turned towards the direction off the voice, it was in fact our favorite idiot, Yoshimitsu.  
  
"Where have you been?" asked Seung Mina.  
  
"YOU GUYS LEFT ME CRUSHED UNDER A PILE OF GOLD!!!!!" he screamed, anime vein flaring on his forehead.  
  
"So that's what we forgot." Xianghua said to herself.  
  
"Anyway, I'll take you guys inside."  
  
Our group after waking up Mitsurugi and apologizing to Yoshimitsu followed him to the main gate, once their Yoshimitsu pulled it open.  
  
"Wait you mean it's not locked?!" Seung Mina asked.  
  
"Of course not didn't you see the...oh damn." Yoshimitsu bent over and picked something up, it was in fact a sign that said 'pull'.  
  
At this point everyone fell over anime style, all this time it had been unlocked and they hadn't noticed, all that for nothing, heh sucks don't it. After they picked themselves and their egos up they enter the main courtyard and proceeded up the stairs leading inside.  
  
"See I told you it was that kid!" Mitsurugi exclaimed "No adult could be this cruel!"  
  
"Yeah, right." Taki replied.  
  
"I'm serious!"  
  
"Tell you what Mitsurugi, if we ever meet this person, and it turns out you were right, I'll sleep with you."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Ninja's are forbidden to lie."  
  
...I think it's obvious why I named the chapter what I did.  
  
****** A/N: The next chapter will be the last.  
  
Well, that's what I would have been saying, but thanks to a little inspiration I've decided to continue this, where did this inspiration come from well it came from Warrior Island by The Zelda Master. After the laughter stopped and the breathing once again brought oxygen to my brain I decided to prolong my story, so I guess this chapter is a thank you, thanks Namika...oh and to my much neglected readers I would like to say...review, okay and thanks too. Oh crap yeah, sorry if it sucks. 


	5. Learning Something New

Not So Important Missions  
  
Chapter 5  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
The temple, the dreaded building where our heroes first met and were forced into this quest for our amusement, though despite it's terrible reputation it was very well made building, the inside built was built as if it were a buddhist temple, huge columns lining the walls with torches imbedded into them all leading up to a huge statue of Buddha and a stair case behind it, but you guys don't care about that, what you do care about is the doors of the temple entrance bursting open.  
  
"How could you do that?!" Bellowed an angry Kilik.  
  
"I'm sorry, I acted on impulse!" Misturugi apologized.  
  
"How could you?" Kilik demanded "don't you know how important it is to me?"  
  
"It came flying at me, what was I supposed to do?"  
  
"Not what you did!"  
  
"Well, maybe you shouldn't have whipped it out like that!"  
  
"Maybe you should'nt have sliced in half!"  
  
"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was your rubber ducky!"  
  
For those of you that don't have a single clue to what's going on, I'll sum it up for you, after electrocuting Voldo to death and while scaling the stairs disaster struck, Kilik who had a fondness for children's toys, don't ask, pulled out his rubber ducky, named Rupert, and unfortunatly lost his grip sending it flying towards Mitsurugi, who by now had become completly paranoid as a result of being severaly injured by Taki, sliced it in half.  
  
"Rupert..."   
  
"Don't worry Kilik, I'll get you another one." Xianghua cooed.  
  
"Really?" He hopfully asked.  
  
Xianghua nodded and Kilk beemed, it was an all around happy moment, until Yoshimitsu cleared his throat.  
  
"I would like to remind you, we have somewhere to be."  
  
The rest of the group groaned and followed the magenta clothed ninja inside the temple, after admired or scorning the architecture, the group halted when Yoshimitsu stopped and turned around. Digging into his gi, and after pulling out a care bear and a strategy guide for Legend of Zelda the Windwaker, he manage tofish out a scroll of paper.  
  
To the families of these brave warriors, I regret to inform they fell in battle--  
  
"Oh shit, wrong side" Yoshimitsu laughed, while the group sweat dropped  
  
I am impressed, you have completed the first task, and proven yourselves  
  
worthy to be in my employment, not that you have any choice in the matter  
  
anyway. You're next task, is to recover a piece of the Soul Edge, located in a  
  
small port town, but be warned the golem Astaroth is rumored to be in the   
  
area as well.   
  
"Wait a minute, you mean the Soul Edge is still intact?!" Kilik asked, receiving only a nod from Yoshimitsu.  
  
"That means our great battle four years ago was in vain?!" Xianghua cryed, Yoshimitsu just shrugged.  
  
The pair in the blink of an eye darted to a corner, crouching with their backs facing the group they suddenly turned dark along with the corner they we're currently kneeling against, dreadfully depressed.  
  
"I can't believe all that was for nothing." Kilik and Xianghua said together, depression eminating from them in the form of a dark cloud.  
  
"Wow, this must be hard for them." Seung Mina commented.  
  
"Fighting an army of evil, basicly giving up their lives in the process, and then for years later you find out it was for nothing, man I'd be depressed to." Hwang said, helping the two depressed warriors to their feet.  
  
Yoshimitsu, once again began reading  
  
They out of their depression yet? Good. Okay, moving on, you guy's are  
  
head to this port and recover the Soul Edge fragment, and if it's not too much  
  
trouble, take care of Astaroth, now, enjoy the little feast I've--knock, knock   
  
What? No, I'm not talking to my self, I'm voicing my thought's! No, you're   
  
insane!!!  
  
The magneta wearing warrior looked at the parchment for a moment.  
  
"It just end's there."  
  
"So what do we do now?" Kilik asked.  
  
In an instant a gigantic table appeared, for a moment the beautiful pine was bare, once again appearing out of nowhere a white cloth covered it, and with the cloth came mountains upon moutains of various food's, ranging from the freshest salad's to the tenderest of meats, the ripest fruit's to the sweetest ice cream, even a good selection of drink's including alcohol, and soda. I know what you're thinking, 'the food's poisoned' or 'stuffed with laxatives', but believe its all of the highest quality, I may, punch them, kick them, burn them, send them into orbit, electrocute them, fry them, crush them under the weight of gold, send them through various flat surfaces, and torture them to an extent that they will perceive death as a kind gesture, but not starve them. Kilik was the first to approach the table, cautiously taking a slice of pizza, eying it for a moment he shrugged and to took a bite, after chewing thuroughly he swallowed and smiled.  
  
"Man, this stuff's good."  
  
The rest of the group nodded to each other and approached the table, quickly taking whatever portion's of food they could.  
  
"Delicious." Taki exclaimed, swallowing a spoon full of ice cream.  
  
The group continued to eat happily, well everybody except Hwang, who although was enjoying the food, still had his basic, stern, 'I'm an asshole, live with it' look on his face, this went unnoticed by everyone but, of course, Seung Mina.  
  
"Something Wrong, Hwang?"   
  
"Just have a weird feeling." Hwang answered.  
  
"Tired?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Soar?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Constipated."  
  
"...No."  
  
"Horny?"  
  
"N--...yeah, a little, but that's not it."  
  
"Well, then what is it?"  
  
"I feel like we're being watched..."  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
"The way the pyscopath knows what's going on, I mean, he knows the Voldo's dead, and also knew that Kilik and Xianghua went into deperssion after finding out that their fight against the Soul Edge was in vain."  
  
"That was a little strange, but maybe he he knew it was going to happen."  
  
"Still, I can't shake the feeling."  
  
"Hwang maybe you're just being paranoid..."  
  
As if on cue the ceiling above them began to crack, little fractures at first, then huge cracks, everybody backed away from the table, just in time to avoid in the ceiling collapsing on them. Dust spread everywhere, forcing the warriors to cover their eyes and mouths, waiting a few moments they opened their eyes to find Yoshimtsu, being crushed by two bewildered Berserker's, one holding a camera the other a microphone. The two huge, armored axe wirlder's turned looked around, their eyes wandered for amoment before falling on the six fighter's, sweat dropping the stood up and ran like hell, leaving the Yoshimitsu's on the ground unconscious and twitching.  
  
"What just happened?" asked a clearly confused Xianghua.  
  
"If I knew I'd tell you, Xianghua." Kilik responded.  
  
"Maybe he can tell us." Taki said, pointing at Yoshimitsu's crippled body.  
  
The group encircled the unconscious man, Mitsurugi taking him by the collar and slapping him a couple times, the method worked as Yoshimitsu woke up, focusing his eyes on the samurai holding his shirt, he punched him in the nose.  
  
"Don't do that again." Yoshimitsu informed, hauling himself off the ground, at which point he dusted himself off.  
  
"Yoshimitsu, what were those Berserker's doing?" Kilik inquired.  
  
"They work for the guy that's in charge, they follow you around, recording everything you guys do on the mission's."  
  
"I knew it." Hwang mumbled leaning against a column.  
  
"So this guy, who forced us here, what's his name?" Mitsurugi questioned.  
  
"I don't know, I've never actually met him."  
  
The group looked among themselves, processing the information they had just received.  
  
"Well, we might as well start this mission." Seung Mina suggested.  
  
"Wait, I have to go to the bathroom." Taki said.  
  
The rest of the group sighed as Taki asked Yoshimitsu where the bathroom was, and waited patiently when she went off in the direction specified be the magneta clad ninja.  
  
One hour later...  
  
"How long does it take a woman, to go to the John?!" Bellowed an agitated Hwang.  
  
Taki was still in the bathroom, doing what I don't know know.  
  
"Ah man, now I have to take a freakin' piss." Mitsurugi sighed and went off in the same direction Taki had no less then an hour earlier.  
  
"Hmm, I wonder..." Yoshimitsu said to himself.  
  
"What?" Xiangua asked.  
  
"I was just wondering if I fixed the lock for the bathroom door."  
  
A scream, Mitsurugi flying through the wall and embeding his upper body in the column Hwang was leaning against gave Yoshimitsu his answer. Sighing heavily the remaining males pulled the samurai from the column, just in time to see a pissed off Taki storm into the main hall, givingb a death glare to Mitsurugi, who, if he was consious anyway, would have cringed. Before anyone had a chance to comment on the current state of thing's, a familair voice resounded through the temple and a door opened.  
  
"Follow the path before you for a day, it will lead you to the port town, but before you go make sure to...buy our character diary's! only $3.99!!"  
  
Near the opened door the gift shop appeared, it moves around for easy accesiblity and your convenience, and with it Yoshimitsu, wearing a 'Soul Calibur Forever!' shirt over his regular outfit, showing off the diaries, the covers having chibi version's of the six warrior's. The group just shook their heads and left, leaving Yoshimitsu to his devices, sighing in defeat he was about to close shop, when Xianghua rushed, putting down some money.  
  
"Give me the Kilik diary!"  
  
A suprised, yet happy Yoshimitsu handed the item to the young chinese woman, as soon as she grabed the diary, she smiled and huged it, pink background with heart's floating around appearing behind her, only when she caught Yoshimitsu's gaze did it all disappear.  
  
"This never happened." Xianghua stated bluntly.  
  
"Belive me lady, i wish it hadn't." Was the only response given to her.  
  
Xianghua nodded and ran outside rejoining the other's in order to continue their unwilling quest.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Let me get this straight, I go to the john for three minutes, and you guys fall through the FLOOR!?"  
  
The two berserker's cringed as the shadowed figure yelled.  
  
"Well, maybe if you built the temple better..." The berserker on the right mumbled.  
  
The figure stood up, the fell back down having hiting his knee on the desk, after soothing the pain he stood, this time a bit more carefully, and faced his two suborbinates.  
  
"Well maybe if you cut down on the cofee cakes we wouldn't have this problem!"  
  
The berserker gasped, tears welling in his eyes.  
  
"You went to far that time!" The berserker yelled, running from the room crying.  
  
"Oh, thank's a lot, now I have to go home to that." The berserker on the right said, leaving the room as well.  
  
The figure groaned and sat down in his chair, poping two Excedrin into his mouth while massaging his temples.  
  
"Next time, I'm getting Lizard men."  
  
A/N: All right first of all, ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN LETTER BOMB"S!!! The last one almost took my hand, I know this chapter is two month's late. Second of all, I think some of you are confused, this ISN"T the last chapter, so enough death threat's, yeesh. Okay, all comedy aside, I apologize, for the delay, i originally expect this to be done during the first week of May, but many thing's got in my way, mostly school and final exam, but also I kind of hit a ditch in my writing. Thankfully I got out of this ditch thanks to Gaiaonline.com, a great site that helped me with some experimention with my writing, mostly delving into serious writing, something I haven't done yet, if you guys have some free time or just need a quick release in writing go their, hell, you might even see me their, I'm under the same username. Well, I hope this chapter was worth the wait, I'm really sorry, if it sucked. I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, but expect some more characters, well see ya, and remember to review! 


	6. Sea Side Meeting

Not So Important Missions  
  
Chapter 6  
  
By Li Katsuya  
  
"There's the town." Kilik stated, standing on a cliff, overlooking a bustling port.  
  
The warrior's around him nodded, taking in the sights of the town as well as the clear blue sea.  
  
"Finally, some civilazation!" Seung Mina cried.   
  
"So this is where we're supposed to find Astaroth?" Misturugi asked, scratching his chin.  
  
"Apparently, let's go!" Xianghua yelled enthusiasticly.  
  
"Right!" Kilik said, thrusting his staff into the ground. "Let's hurry, guys."  
  
Nodding the group began making their way down the mountain path, taking one last look at the town below him, the young Kali-Yuga bearer, followed his compatriot's, yet no sooner had he taken his first step, a rather loud crack was heard and the ground began to shake beneath his feet. The other's noticing the warrior was not following them, retraced their step's and made it back to the cliff in time to see it and Kilik plumet from view, quickly scrambling to what was left of the cliff's foundation, their eyes scanned the area in which the cliff fell.  
  
"Yo, Kilik!!" called out Hwang, hoping to hear his friend's voice.  
  
"Are you okay?!" exclaimed a rather frantic Xianghua.  
  
The only answer they recieved was silence.  
  
"You don't think...?" Taki began, unwilling to finish her thought.  
  
"Don't you dare even thi-"  
  
Out of nowhere a rather pain groan resounded in the air, interupting the young chinese woman, who quickly darted her eyes from place to place, hoping to find some sign of the thought to be dead Kilik. Suddenly spotted red, taking a closer look she recognized it as a jacket and there was only one person she knew that wore a red jacket, putting two and two together, she called out to the group.  
  
"Guys, four is hanging from the side of the cliff!"  
  
"What?" asked a clearly confused Seung Mina.  
  
"I mean, Kilik is hanging from the side of the cliff!"  
  
"I can't see him." Mitsurugi pointed out.  
  
"Look harder." Taki ordered, herself at a loss where Kilik was.  
  
Misturugi leaned farther on the edge of the former cliff, hoping that it would be enough to help him see Kilik, finally spoting him. The samurai called out to his friend's, or at least that's what he would have down, had the ground beneath him not decided to give away at that exact moment. The team could only watch a he quickly began sliding down the side of the cliff in a rather painful manner, wincing every time he hit a rock.  
  
"Guys, was that Mitsurugi?" asked Kilik, hanging from the root of a tree.  
  
"Yup, are you okay?" Xiangua replied.  
  
"I'm still alive, but the root I'm holding on too doesn't look like it can hold much longer."  
  
"Don't worry, honey, we'll help as soon as we can, nothing bad is going t-"  
  
The sound of wood breaking and the scream of an eight year old girl suddenly interupted her.  
  
Pain, that was all Mitsurugi felt at this point, pain, coursing through every vein in his body, slowly consuming him from the inside, pain eminating from the small of his back, where a rock was currenty lodged in, and let me tell you, landing on a rock back first after a hundred foot drop is not exactly a comfortable experience. Biting back the pain of having to readjust his spine in seven different places the hardened Japanese warrior shakingly got to his feet, only to have a rather large piece of wood smash into his head, clutching his cracked cranium, Misturugi looked up in an attempt to find the source of the wood, only to see Kilik barreling at him.  
  
"...Crap."  
  
The moment the swear word escaped his lips, Kilik collided with once again making him fall on the rock, only this time his chest took the shear force of it. Quickly pushing off the unconscious Kilik, he stood up, only to be struck in the forehead by a falling Kali-Yuga, which sent him backward's into a tree, causing him to hit the back of his head, leading to him falling foreward, which in turn made his face impact the rock again, mind you it's the same rock from the previous two times. Clutching his head, Mitsurgi fought back the urge to cry his eyes out, once again forcing himself to stand up, and leaning against a tree for support; the sound of foot step's caught his attention, he looked up to see Hwang running toward him.  
  
"You okay?" The Korean soldier asked, looking over at the still unconscious.  
  
"Define 'okay'?" The samurai hissed.  
  
"That bad, huh?"  
  
"Ya think?"  
  
Hwang was about to comment when an acorn hit his head, shaking it off, he once again tryed to say something only to have another acorn hit his head, ignoring it he once again began talking, yet once again he was interupted by an acorn. Picking up a fallen acorn he chucked over his shoulder, smirking slightly when he heard it hit flesh and a high pitched squeak, yet the smirk was short lived as he was pelted by acorn after acorn, finally using up all his patience, Hwang quickly turned around, only to collided face first with a branch, sending him to the ground, while in the tree two squirrel's gave each other secret hand shakes, and if this is a lesson of anything it is that little woodland creatures are pure evil.  
  
"Finally, are you guys...okay?" Taki asked, feeling like an idiot when she saw the condition of the guys, one unconscious, one with a broken nose and the last one trying to remeber third through ninth grade.  
  
The girl's approached the guy's and quickly began helping them in any way they could, and eventually, after getting a gopher to stop gnawing on Kilik's leg and helping Mitsurugi remember why the hell they were doing whatever they were doing, they were off on their way to the port town.  
  
One hour later...  
  
And so they stood in front of the gates to the town, looking tired and beaten, well guys more or less, seeing as Kilik had a bandage over his leg, Misturugi had one wrapped around his head, and Hwang, and god knows how many tissues stuffed up his nose. Slowly they began their trek into the town, expecting at any moment to have the gigantic ax wielding seven year old attack, yet the attack did not come all they found was what they expected to finding in a bustling port town, shops, people and lot's and lot's of fish.  
  
"No sign of Astaroth." Seung Mina commented.  
  
"That's because he's not here right now."   
  
Looking around the group found the source of the voice, Yoshimitsu, but you all figured that out, on top of a building looking down on them with his arm's crossed, jumping on down on to a canopy, he expected to bounce off and land in front of the group, the word of the day being expected, the canopy actually tore under his weight and he land in a barrel of severed fish heads.  
  
"All who saw that coming say 'Aie'." Kilik ordered.  
  
"Aie." everyone else chorused.  
  
Pulling himself out of the mess, Yoshimitsu wobbled over to the six warrior's, pausing only to remove a fish head from his pants, and also tripping over the discraded head, he stood in front of them, reeking of fish, yet trying to keep as much of his dignity as possible.  
  
"Hey, guys." Yoshimitsu greeted, trying to ignore the fish guts seeping into his clothes.  
  
"Hi." The Soul Calibur warriors said in unison.  
  
"Good job on making it here so soon."  
  
"Thanks, but where exactly is Astaroth?" Xianghua asked, looking around as she did.  
  
"He's gone for now."  
  
"What do you mean gone?" Mitsurugi questioned.  
  
"We managed to fight him off."  
  
"'We'?" Hwang inquired.  
  
"Me and another fighter managed to fight him, but we only injured him, he'll be back soon."  
  
"Who's the other fighter?" Taki asked.  
  
"Look guys, I'd love to talk some more, but frankly I don't like the feeling of fish guts against my skin, so let's head to the inn where me and the other fighter are staying."  
  
The group agreed and began following Yoshimitsu to the inn, the walk to the inn gave the group to really look around, the town was rather large, shops of all kind's open, with vendor's screaming at the top of their lung's to attract customer's, as well as make them deaf. Finally, after Kilik accidently walked into brothel, Mitsurugi almost spent all of their traveling money on a yo-yo, and Hwang had his leg pissed on by a dog, the entered the inn. The inn is what they expected a rather large main room with a counter, and several tables strewn about, and stair case leading to the bedrooms.  
  
"You didn't have to be so rough on that poor dog." Seung Mina scolded.  
  
"It pissed on my leg." Hwang retaliated.  
  
"You didn't have to try to castrate it."  
  
"Okay, I gotta get cleaned up, I'll be right back." Yoshimitasu said as he ran up the stair's leading to his room, fell back down because some remaining fish guts got on his shoes and ran up again.  
  
"We might be here a while, Taki why don't you get us signed in."  
  
The kunoichi nodded and headed for the counter while remaing memeber's took a seat at one of the tables, tapping the man behind the counter on the shoulder.  
  
"Excuse me I'd like some rooms for me and my friend's, we don't need anything special, just some comfy bed's and could you please stop staring at my chest?"  
  
"Sorry, so many of you are there?"  
  
"Six, all adults."  
  
"We only have three room's, looks like you'll have to share, sorry."  
  
"Thanks." Taki said taking the keys from the innkeepers hand and heading over to the table her friend's had claimed.  
  
"So, did you get any room's?" Xianghua asked from her position in Kilik's lap.  
  
"Three."  
  
"That mean's we'll have to share...well Xianghua, looks like it's you and me." Kilik stated as the young chinese woman smiled and placed her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Seung Mina's bunkin' with me, I can't trust her, one opening and she'll split." Hwang said, oblivious to the glare of Seung Mina behind him.   
  
"Then I'm with..." Taki began as she turned to Mitsurugi, who at this point was biting his nails nervously.  
  
The sound of someone tumbling down the stairs caught everyones attention, turning to the stair case, they caught sight of Yoshimitsu, on the ground in a rather painful position, after a few second's he slowly got to his feet, and walked over to the group, rubbing his shoulder. Standing in front of the group he was about to speak when the sound of an opening door silenced him, smiling beneath his mask, he walked over to the door, out of the sight of the other warrior's, and began conversing with person who just walked in a hushed voice. The sound of footstep's approaching was heard as Yoshimitsu appeared once again this time ushering someone into the open, at the sight of the young man Kilik and Xianghua gasped.  
  
"Oh my god." Xianghua gasped, covering her mouth as she did.  
  
"He's alive!" exclaimed Kilik.  
  
"Who, Elvis Presley?" Mitsurugi asked, his only answer being Kilik and Xianghua falling over.  
  
"Not Elvis, his name's Maxi!" Kilik yelled.  
  
"How do you now my name?"  
  
Silence enveloped the room as all eyes turned to the young man known as Maxi, a confused look on his face.  
  
"What the hell do you mean, it's us Kilik and Xianghua."   
  
"Am I supposed to know you?"  
  
"We're friends, Maxi!" Xianghua cried.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I...don't remeber you guys..."  
  
"What do you mean 'don't remeber'?!" bellowed a disbelieving Kilik. "You mean you don't remember how we fought against, evil, darkness and that one angry chipmunk?"  
  
Maxi shook his head.  
  
"You don't remeber how you got drunk one time, pinched the butt of a noble's daughter and almost got executed, until we jumped in and saved you?" Xianghua inquired.  
  
Onced again he shook his head.  
  
"You don't remember the time Xianghua caved your face in because you stole her panties?" Kilik asked, trying to stir any memories in the young pirate.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Do you remember Astaroth?"  
  
"You mean that Golem?" Maxi asked, his voice suddenly filled with venom. "Of course, that bastard killed my crew, sunk my ship and made me miss four year's worth of sex, I want that asshole dead!!!"  
  
"Same old, Maxi." Xianghua commented.  
  
"Right, now that we've gotten everything order, we need to figure out what to do about Astaroth."  
  
"Did your walnut-sized brain ricochet a few too many times off the sides of your skull when you took that fall?" asked a bewildered Hwang. "We attack the bastard and take him out, permanently."  
  
"He's a lot stronger then he looks, he gave Maxi and me a hard time."  
  
"Yeah, but there were only two of us, now there's eight, we'll take him dowmn easily." Maxi stated.  
  
"He's right, the odd's are in our favor." Mitsurugi agreed.  
  
"So where is this Astaroth?" Seung Mina questioned.  
  
"...we...don't know." Yoshimitsu answered sheepishly.  
  
"Figures." Taki mumbled.  
  
"Guess we're going have to wait." Hwang said.  
  
"All right then, let's take this opportunity to rest up a bit." Kilik suggested, getting nods of approval in response.  
  
So they all took this opportunity to relax, Mitsurugi ordered them a round of drink's, and they all began happily conversing amongst themselves, while Taki dissapeared upstairs, Maxi began talking to his forgotten friend, Kilik.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kilik."  
  
"Don't worry about it, let me introduce you to everyone."  
  
Kilik pointed to everybody pausing to tell Maxi a little about the person he was pointing at, then happily went back to his drink.  
  
"So Kilik?"  
  
"Yeah, Maxi."  
  
"What chance do you think I have with Seung Mina?"  
  
Kilik chuckled a bit before answering.  
  
"You'll have to get past Hwang."  
  
Maxi turned to the Korean soldier, trying to asses him, meanwhile Hwang had his eyes fixated on a bee flying back and forth in front of his face, annoying the hell out of him, finally the bee flew of and hover right above a lit candle, the Korean soldier wasted no time and swatted the bee crushing it between his handand the candle. Maxi stared as Hwang removed his hand from the candle that was suprisingly still burning, and looked at his palm, blowing on it slightly, the body of the charred bee flew off leaving only red and blistered skin, but Hwang mearly went back to his drink as if his hand was fine.  
  
"Okay then, what about...Taki?"  
  
"You wanna get castrated?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then keep your distance."  
  
"Xianghua?"  
  
"Sorry, she's spoken for."  
  
"Oh well, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and I'm sure..."  
  
Maxi's hopeful talk was interupted by a scream coming from the outside the inn, scrambling to their feet the warrior's ran to the door, along the way Yoshimitsu tripped and was trampled, upon exiting the building they saw people running away from the direction of the port, suddenly a loud battle cry was heard, and all of their eyes widen in realization.  
  
"Astaroth!" they screamed in unison.  
  
"Misturugi go get Taki!" Kilik yelled as he ran in the direction of the yell, flanked by Xianghua and Maxi.  
  
The samurai nodded and ran back inside, stepping on Yoshimitsu's head as he ran into the Inn, bolting up the stair's looking for the right room, hearing the sound of a women's humming and instantly recognizing the voice, Mitsurugi ran to the room and quickly opened the door.  
  
"TAKI-I-I-i-i-i-iiii..."  
  
Taki was in the room, yet she just came out of the bath and only succeded in covering the lower part of her body before the smaurai ran in, giving him an excellent view of her chest, without a moment's more of hestitation, Taki kicked Mitsurugi in the head, sending him flying and embedded his face into the wall. Slamming the door shut Taki left Misturugi with his head in the wall, waking seconds later, the Japanese warrior removed his head from the wall and stood up, combing dry wall out of his head with his hands, no sooner had the last piece been removed Taki emerged from the room, fully clothed.  
  
"What the hell--!?" She began only to be interupted by Mitsurugi.  
  
"Astaroth's here!!"  
  
Immediatly forgetting Mitsurugi's prior transgression, Taki followed him down the stairs and out the door.  
  
"Oh my god, it's more hideous then last time I saw it." Maxi spat.  
  
"That face is a crime against nature." Hwang commented.  
  
"How could they let this thing be?" asked a bewildered Kilik.  
  
A cat flying past them tore the groups attention away from the Micheal Jackson poster, and made it focus of the creature before them, Astaroth, swinging his gigantic ax back and forth, leaving only destroyed property in his wake, and back then they didn't hae insurance, so it's gonna be a bitch to pay for. Looking at each and nodding, the group charged forward to do battle with the the golem know only as Astaroth.  
  
"So they have engaged Astaroth in battle, excellent, it's all going accourding to plan, so very soon I'll be able--"  
  
"Uh, who are you taking to?"   
  
The shadowed figure stopped in his speech and turned to his subordinates, the two berserker's from before.  
  
"No one...why the hell are you looking at me that way for?!"  
  
"No reason." the chorused in unison.  
  
Suddenly another berserker burst through the door, panting heavily.  
  
"Sir, you need to hear this!" walking up to the shadowed figure, who stays miracously shadowed despite the fact everyone else is in plain sight, and whispers something in his, the figure eyes narrow and he stands up.  
  
The shadows choose that time to disperse revealing the visage of a young boy, no older the sixteen, medium height, a red bandanna vainly trying to stop parted long blond bangs from covering his green eyes, glasses perched on his nose and small patch of facial hair beneath it. A blue jean jacket cover his upper body, open in the middle revealing a black shirt, stuffed into blue jeans seemingly a few sizes to big for the teenager, because the belt keeping them up as well the bagginess, finally ending the attire by having the jean bottom's stuffed into a pair of black combat boots.  
  
"Mr. Katsuya?" asked the berserker on the left.  
  
"Look, either you're gonna call me Li, Katsuya or Sir, none of that mister shit, makes me feel old, now if you don't mind, I got something to take care of." Li answered, cracking his knuckles as he did.  
  
Li left the room, leaving the occupant's alone.  
  
"So what's going on?" asked the berserker on the right, which from now one I'm going to refer as Berserker 1, because his presvious name is too long.  
  
"Well...Berserker 172 took his pen without permission..." Berserker 2 answered.  
  
"God damn..." Berserker 1 said.  
  
"How's that bad?" Berserker 247 asked.  
  
An explosion was heard along with a scream of agnozing pain.  
  
"Let's just say he's very protective of good drawing ink."  
  
A/N: Now tell me how many of you were expecting an update so soon? None of you!! After waiting two months for the last one it's not like I can blame ya, heh heh. Well, Maxi and Astaroth have finally appeared, along with me, with a new pen name, so expect a lot of plot developments, that is if this story has an actual plot, doesn't make any sense to me, and I'm the author! Sorry to leave you with a cliffhanger, it's the first in a series of many or few, I haven't decided yet, well, that's about it, remember to review, until next time. 


	7. Swords, Spoons, Singing Oh My

Not So Important Missions  
  
Chapter 7  
  
By Li Katsuya  
  
The once paeceful port town that our warrior's were currently residing in was taken by chaos, chaos caused by the gigantic fighting golem known only as Astaroth. Swinging his mighty ax the unholy behemoth sent food flying, destroyed numerous shops and homes, caused people to flee in terror and somewhere a lemon was involved, though I'm not sure where.  
  
"Hold it!"  
  
The ax wielding monster turned his head, only to meet a flurry of nuchaku blows compliments of the pirate Maxi, forcing him to arch backwards.  
  
"Do you remember me, you freak!?" spat the pirate, the vemon in his voice obvious.  
  
The golem merely stood in the same position swinging his hands wildly, trying to regain his balance, failing miserably Astaroth fell on his rear end, creating many cracks in the asphalt of the street. Growling he stood up, his hands cletched tightly on the handle of his monsterous ax, eyeing the group with anger and disgust, his knuckles white from the pressure.  
  
"Disgusting little maggot."  
  
Fliking the said bug from his hand, Astaroth charged forward with a mighty battle cry, his ax over his head in preparation to strike, the group braced themselves for the attack. Leaping into the air, their opponent brought his ax down with all his strentgh, though instead of crushing flesh and bone, it only smashed into the street, sending debris everywhere, one particular big piece striking Kilik in the forehead.  
  
"Son of a-!"  
  
Before even completing the swear, the golem brought his ax down on him again, embeding it in the ground again though with less force, smirking the Kali-Yuga bearer ran forward, hoping to catch his opponent off guard, though it was the exact opposite, Astaroth swung around his ax and rammed the warrior with his shoulder, sending him flying into one of the shops littering the area.  
  
"Kilik!" Xianghua cried.  
  
The warrior groaned from underneath the rubble, pushing himself to his feet, he stared at the golem attacking his other friend's.  
  
"That monster's goin' down!" He yelled with determination.  
  
"Uh, Kilik?" Xianghua interupted.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You have a bra on your head."  
  
Grabbing the piece of underwear from his head, he held it in front of his face, a blue lace bra, looking behind him, he saw Astaroth had sent him flying into a sixteen century Victoria' Secret, staring at the article of clothing he turned to Xianghua, looking back and forth between the two, he grinned.  
  
"This would look good on you."  
  
Xianghua blushed and giggled slightly as Kilik grinned, they were broughty back to harsh reality as a piece of wood hit Kilik in the side of the head, sending him to the ground with a thud, Xianghua fell to her knee's beside him trying to wake him up.  
  
"Hey, asshole, over here!!"  
  
Astaorth turned this time swinging his ax as he did, but Hwang just ducked under the swing, using the space of time to close the distance between him and his opponent, unsheathing his sword, Blue Thunder, he slashed the golem chest several missing his beating heart by mere inches each time. Angered by the assault, Astaroth, swung his ax, catching the Korean's head with the handle of his weapon, causing him to hit the floor with a loud thud, lifting his foot above the fallen warrior's head, he was about bring it down, when to balde of another weapon stabbed into his side.  
  
"Leave him alone!" screamed Seung Mina, continued her assaulting, stabbing him multiple times.  
  
"Worms!" Astaroth annouced.  
  
"Huh?" asked a confused Seung Mina.  
  
"Worms!"  
  
"What worms?"  
  
"Worms!"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Worms!"  
  
"We've established that part! Now why the hell do you say it?"  
  
"...uh."  
  
"What?"  
  
"...I uh..."  
  
"You don't know do you?"  
  
"Well...I...I ummm...I..."  
  
Astaroth hung his head in shame, the he suddenly remebered something, he was supposed to be fighting this girl, with a mighty roar he tackled her similar in the manner in which he tackled Kilik and sent her flying to the ground. Laughing gleefully, he lifted his ax above his head preparing for the final blow, that was until a nunchaku hit him in the nose, clutching the bleeding apendage, he turned to the perpirtator of the action, Maxi. Using Astaroth's distraction to his advantage, the pirate ran forward, only tostep on a lemon which squirted him in the eye, that's where the lemon was involved, screwing Maxi over in a fight by blinding him. Laughing while shoving a few tissues in his nose, from where I don't know, Astroth prepared to swing his ax only to be interupted by a voice.  
  
From the roof of the town's many building's a trio of warrior's watched as their allies fought against the ax wielding golem.  
  
"Who steps on a lemon?" Taki asked in disbelief.  
  
"We gotta get down there, they won't last much longer." Mitsurugi said, gripping the handle on his katana.  
  
"I agree, but we need a plan of some sort." Yoshimitsu informed.  
  
"What do you propose?" asked Mitsurugi.  
  
"I have a plan, but it's very delicate, it's gonna have to run with surgical precision..."  
  
The samurai and kunoichi nodded, awaiting further details on Yoshimitsu's delicate plan.

"Stop!"  
  
The golem's eyes searched the immediate vicinity, falling upon the roof of the building behind him, where Yoshimistu stood flanked by Taki, who had damp hair and Mitsurugi, who had a rather large bruise on the side of his face.  
  
"You'll have to defeat us first." The magneta clad ninja yelled, leaping at his opponent.  
  
Rolling his eyes, or eye whites, Astaroth swung his ax, catching Yoshimitsu with flat side of the blade, and sending him flying into the horizon and dissapearing from view, sighing heavily his fellow warrior's jumped from the roof, landing several feet away from their enemy.   
  
"That was the damn plan?" Mitsusrugi muttered angirly. "A goat suffering a concussion could've done better."  
  
"Looks like we'll have to do this the old fashioned way." Taki commented.  
  
Their opponent laughed at them, punching himself in the chest as preparation, the two japanese warrior's preapared themselves as well, and waited for the attack, only it never came, looking at each other for a second, they turned to Astaroth, The golem stood still as a stone, in the position he was in when he struck his chest, suddenly his lower lip began to tremble and tears began welling up in is eyes, finally falling to the ground, which resulted in everything bouncing a few inches into the air, and cried loudly.  
  
"Oh crap!! I think a cracked a rib!!!"  
  
Stealing another glance at each other, the two standing warriors tried to analyze what happened, while their opponent bawled and Maxi stumbled around blindly, finally walking into a wall.  
  
"Needless to say, I wasn't expecting that." Misturugi commented.  
  
"You and me the same." Taki said as she crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
Approaching the wailing golem the held their weapons at ready, preparing to defend themselves if necessary, slowly closing the distance between themselves and their enemy, they stood before the fallen warrior unsure of to do next. The Golem on the other hand stopped crying, picking his ax up, he swung it at Mitsurugi, sending him flying into Taki, which caused her to fall back, hitting the ground roughly, with Mitsurugi on top of her.  
  
"Oh crap that hurt, Mitsuugi, are you okay?"  
  
Our dear samurai, currently on top of Taki, with his face buried deep in her cleavage, gave her a thumbs up siganlling he was all right and very happy with his present position, growling a little, the kunoichi kicked him of her.  
  
"Sorry..." Mistsutugi said, hanging his head in shame or just to hide the toothy grin he had.  
  
"Worms!!!"  
  
The yell brought them back to problem at hand, there was a giant ax wielding pyscopath barreling towards them with his equally gigantic ax, had it not been for someone pulling them into the dark, our favorite pair of sexual and nudity jokes would have trampled, but they weren't so everybody's happy. Turning to their savior's Xianghua and Hwang, all they could do was sigh with relief.  
  
"You two okay?" questioned Hwang.  
  
"We're fine." answered Taki.  
  
"Where are the others?" asked Mitsurugi.  
  
Xianghua pointed to a corner, where the the remaining members lay, Kilik, sitting against a wall, bleeding from the head, a bra clutched in his hands, Seung Mina in a similar position, opposite Kilik, clutching her wounded shoulder, and finally Maxi, still blind as a bat, still walking into stuff.  
  
"We're the only ones left to fight." Hwang stated, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.  
  
"And eventually he's gonna find us, that spoon won't keep him entertained for long." Taki informed.  
  
They looked at the said golem, currently staring a the shiny, silver spoon in his hand almost as if in a trance.  
  
"But how do we beat him, that ax of his is dangerous."  
  
"I'm working on it." Xianghua informed, turning the page of her Soul Calibur 2 strategy guide.  
  
"Where the hell did you get that?" Taki asked, completly confused.  
  
"The mysterious stranger over there."  
  
Turning their eyes in the direction that Xianghua designated, finding a shadowed figure, standing with his hands in his pockets, with a simple nod of his head he ran to the right, dissapearing behind a building without a sound, until he crashed into a garbage can, making the cat inside the can attack his face, throwing the animal off, he continued on his way. The group shrugged and were about to formulate a plan another crash was heard this time accompanied by chiken noises and several yells of 'not the face'. Looking amongst each other, the warriors went back to planning, until an elephant trumpted, followed by an agitated yell, and a giant beam of what seemed to be darkness along with the elephant, erupted from the ground and dissapeared into the sky.  
  
"I've got it!" Xianghua cried, startling the group.  
  
"Well?" Hwang inquired.  
  
"He's a long range fighter, meaning he's too slow to handle close range."  
  
"That's true, if we can get in close, we'll beat him easy." Mitsurugi stated.  
  
"I'll do it, I'm pretty fast." Taki suggested.  
  
"Right, but it's gonna be difficult to get in that close." Hwang said.  
  
"I'll distract him." Mitsurugi offered.  
  
"How?"   
  
"The only way I know how."

Back to Astaorth...

Astaroth stared at the silver spoon in a transfixed gaze, the way it glowed in the sun fascinating him to no end, yet his moment of bliss was cut short by a sudden yell.  
  
"Hey, ugly."  
  
Tearing his gace away from the eating utensil he saw Mitsurugi with his back facing him, reaching for his ax, he was about to charge the samurai when the said warrior turned, a microphone in his hand and a Karoake machine behind, smiling evily he took a deep breath.  
  
"Everybody was Kung-fu fighting!!!"  
  
The golem stopped in his tracks, the singing so bad, I mean this is Mitsurugi with his North American voice actor, that it just made the ax wielding monstrousity cover his ears to stop them from bleeding. Meanwhile, behind Astaroth, wearing looks of disbelief on their faces and cringing everytime, their friend hit a high note, were the attack team consisting of Taki, Hwang and Xianghua.  
  
"Well...at least it's working." Taki commented, digging a finger into her ear in hopes of hearing again  
  
"Yeah, but is it worth our hearing?" Hwang asked, wincing as Mitsurugi increased the volume.  
  
"THOSE CATS WERE FAST AS LIGHTNING!!!"  
  
"Let's just end this." Xianghua said, preparing her sword.  
  
Nodding, the group burst from the alley, charging Astaroth, who was holding his head in agonizing pain, Hwang was the first to attack, catching the monster in the back with a well placed and furious combo of slashes and kicks. Xianghua followed up, using her natural grace, she avoided many of the wild arm swing's, managing to stab him sevral times in the chest and arms before retreating to a safe distance.  
  
"My turn!"  
  
Quickly running up to her opponent, unleashing a deadly combo of quick slashes, finishing by jumping backwards a bit, leaping intp the air, and propelling herself directly at Astaroth, both her kodachi, stabing the golem in it's beating heart. Jumping away, and rejoining the others, she watched as her opponent stumbled from a few moments, clutching his chest, before finally falling over and hitting the ground loudly, once again causing everything, inanimate and animate alike to bounce a few inches into the air.  
  
"Great job guys, how 'bout a victory song?"  
  
"NO!!!"  
  
Shruging, Mitsurugi joined his victorious friends, offering to buy them a drink once they got back to the inn, and so they went...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...Until they remembered, Kilik, Seung Mina and Maxi were still injured in the alley.

Elsewhere...

"I'm not sure that was necessary." said Berserker 2.  
  
"That elephant almost sat on me." Li stated, matter-of-factly.  
  
"You could have just jumped out of the way."  
  
"What does it matter?"  
  
"You sent it into the air."  
  
"What? It's not like it's gonna land on someone important."  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Admiral Yi-Shin over looked the construction of his new ships, with any luck, these ships would save his country of Korea and beat back the Japanese invaders, but he still couldn't believe this entire war started because the emperoer of Japan had insulted the royal dog, sure he was fat, but he was definatly not a bowling ball with fur.  
  
"He should have said that about his daughter." The admiral said, snickering at his own joke.  
  
Unbeknowst to the Yi-Shin a shadow was moving behind him, unsheathing a dagger, approaching the old man quietly, raising his dagger over his head in preparation for the final strike, but unfortunatly it never came, as an elephant fell from the sky and crushed the Japanese assasin.  
  
Back to Li...  
  
"Now are we completly understood?" Li asked, narrowing his eyes at Berseker 172.  
  
The body cast glad warrior nodded furiously, hoping to avoid further pain.  
  
"All right then."  
  
Li snapped his first, in an instant the body cast had dissapeared from the berserker's body.  
  
"You can go now."  
  
The berserker bowed slightly and ran out the door.  
  
"Hmm, I wonder if the stairs have been fixed?"  
  
A scream and the sound of a rather large body tumbling down the stairs was heard, finally ending with one large crash.  
  
"Guess not, wait is that the part of the floor the termites have gotten to?"  
  
The sound of wood cracking and yet another scream answered his question.  
  
"Wait a minute...the water main."  
  
The sound of a torrent of water resounded through the room, looking out his window, Li and Berserker 2 saw Berserker 172 fly through the air, landing on a car.  
  
"You know I think it's about time you fixed this place up." Berserker 2 suggested.  
  
"You know I think you're right."  
  
A/N: Another update, forgive me on the delay in this one, but for the longest time I felt there was something seriously wrong with this chapter, hell it brought thoughts of ending the fic back to me, but thankfully I got past that and here you are with a brand new chapter, once again I must apologize if it sucks, I still have mixed feelings about it.

Now for the review commentary:

Neo-Shadow: Yes, chapter 6 was a bit shorter, but at least you enjoyed and to answer you questions. As many times as I want! Heh heh heh.

The Zelda Master: Don't worry, bees are nothing to worry about, the wasps are what you have to avoid and unfortunatly Namco owns Hwang, sorry. Thanks for the good review.

Lady Nami: I'm not sure there is a plot, but thanks anyway. Also I don't think it was necessary o burn Keiko to a crisp.

The Great Daryl: Thanks man, sorry about updating so late.

DemonGod86: Thank you and hopefully it'll stay that way for a long time.

happster360: I apologize about the wait but thank you for the kind words.

RavenGhost: Hopefully this update will stop those two, thanks for the review.

I would also like to thank all of the people that have review so far. bows


	8. Intermission 1: The Life of Li

Not So Important Missions  
  
Intermission  
  
By Li Katsuya  
  
Li was agitated, he was very agitated, he was agitated beyong the normal level of agitation, he was as agitated as one would be after playing a RPG for three hours, then turning it off without saving, yes he was just that agitated. The source of his agitation was the wind blowing in his face, or the reason why it was blowing in his face, well valued reader the reason is there was a hole in the wall of his house, well not so much a hole as the wall was missing. Sighing in frustration, he rubbed his temples, trying in vain to alleviate the headache pounding on his temples, so instead he turned to the berserker standing next to him.  
  
"Okay, you wanna tell me why part my wall is missing?"  
  
The berserker beside him cringed slightly as he was addressed by his superior, wishing he wasn't the one who had to explain.  
  
"Ummm..."  
  
Flashback...  
  
Berserker 38 fumbled with the faulty electrical wiring in Li's wall, cursing silently as he was shocked for the twentith time that hour alone. As he reconnected a pair of black wires the sound of stumbling entered his ears, as he turned he found the pink clad Berserker 49, trying to walk with a bottle of beer in his hand.  
  
"That arrogant bastard! How dare he talk control of noble and dignified warriors!!!"  
  
"49, if your gonna talk about us being dignified, at least put some pants on."  
  
"You be quiet you asshole!"  
  
In his drunken haze, berserker 49 threw a punch at his companion, only to fall into his arms, shaking his head slightly, the drunkard looked up.  
  
"I am so sorry, I didn't mean it, your family, I love you, man!!!"  
  
To emphasize his point the warrior began to cry into his friend's chest, who just stood there for a moment before pushing him off, a grabbing his beer.  
  
"Okay, that's enough of the happy juice."  
  
The drunk immediatlty withdrew his hand.  
  
"No, you can't, the sexy fairies will hurt me if you do!"  
  
"...Give me the bottle."  
  
A wrestling match ensued as Berserker 38 went for the bottle again, his friend not exactly willing to hand over the drink. Soon after a few headlock's, a punch to the throat, and a knee to the groin, Berserker 49 lost his grip on the bottle and it flew towards the wall, the wall with faulty wiring, the wall with faulty wiring exposed, I'll let you put two and two together.  
  
Outside...  
  
Mr. Pecker, the across the street neighbor of Li, stood in front of his house waiting for the mailman to come, he was supposed to have come at one, he was two hours late, finally a white truck appeared down the road. Standing up he waited in anticpation as the truck stop in front of him, as the postal worker began to hand the old man his mail and issue of Playboy, a loud flash of light and the sound of a loud explosion was heard, but that didn't concern Mr. Pecker what concerned him was the mail truck, currently upside down in his living room.  
  
End Flashback...  
  
"...and that's how it happened." Berserker 38 ended.  
  
"That's how what happened?" Asked Li, completly perplexed.  
  
"I told you, the reason your wall's missing."  
  
"You didn't say anything."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You were like zoning out for twenty minutes."  
  
"Oh well, might as well tell it again."  
  
And so the ax wielding warrior turned slave to arrogant author, explained what had happened, but afterwards the young author scratched the top of his blond head.  
  
"Wait, what the hell happened to Berserker 49?" the blued eyed teenager asked.  
  
"I think he's in Indiana."  
  
"What makes you think he's in Indiana."  
  
"I saw him flying that way."  
  
"Ah."  
  
Suddenly, The black armor clad Berserker 1 appeared before Li, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.  
  
"Uh, boss?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The kitchen sink's broken, sir."  
  
Groaning slightly, the young author walked to the kitchen, approaching the sink, he turned on the cold water, only the water didn't run, turning on the warm water, he found that it also didn't work. Scratching his chin, he kneeled and opened the cabinet underneath the sink, examining the pipes, he found that they were not clogged, raising an eyebrow, he stood up and turned to the berserker.  
  
"Get me some tools."  
  
Two Hours Later...  
  
"See, that wasn't so hard." Li said, a small smile on his face.  
  
"Are you sure it was wise for you to take out all those pipes?"  
  
"I only took out a few."  
  
"You took out seventeen of them."  
  
"So?"  
  
"I'm not sure, but some of them might have been important."  
  
"Don't worry, now the pipe system will be more effecient."  
  
"If you say so."  
  
"And I do."  
  
Turning to the faucet, Li grabbed the handles, just as another berserker entered the kitchen and opened the fridge, retreaving an icing cold Brisk Iced Tea. Turning the handles of the faucet Li was dissapointed that water didn't come from the faucet but his dissapointment was soon forgotten as something elese took hold of his attention, the berserker would had entered the kitchen to get something to drink was suddenly caught in an geyser like eruption of water as he was about to pop the tab on the can. Watching his fellow warrior's body crash through the first floor ceiling then hearing him go through the second, Berserker 1 counted to three, sidestepping just in time to avoid the berserker, number 127 if anybody wants to know, falling smashing into the floor, he then turned to Li.  
  
"Can we put the pipes back?"  
  
"Yeah, I'd think that'd be best."  
  
Two Hours Later...  
  
"Are you sure this is how it was before?" asked a worried Berserker 1.  
  
"Positive, now let's get this thing running."  
  
Grasping the handles, he turned.  
  
Meanwhile, at Mr. Pecker's house...  
  
He had done it, the mail truck was finally gone and he his house was on it's way to being repaired, sighing with relief he relaxed in his favorite lawnchair, watching as the various contracter's worked on his house, lowering his head he began to drift into a nice peaceful nap. As he closed his eyes, the ground began to shake underneath his feet, standing up he turned to his house, sighing with relief when he saw nothing was damaged, wiping his brow of sweat he turned around, though as soon as he did, a torrent of water erupted from underneath his house, throwing the piece of real estate into the air.  
  
Back at Li's house...  
  
"God dammit, nothing work's!!!" exclaimed an exsaperated Li.  
  
The sound of water hitting the windows caught the teenager's attention, looking confused he turned to Berserker 1.  
  
"Did the weather say anything about rain today?"  
  
"No, but when are the weathermen right, you know?"  
  
"Yeah, that's true,"  
  
Turning the faucet off, Li closed his eyes and began to think, while just across the street the water had stopped flowing and Mr, Pecker's house was back in it's lot, sure it had landed on him and collapsed in on itself when it hit the ground, but it was back in it's rightful place and that's what mattered.  
  
"That's it, I'm hiring a plumber."  
  
"First good thing he's said all day."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Nothing, Li."  
  
Three hours later...  
  
Li was happy, very happy, happy beyond the normal bounds of happiness, he is as happy as a kid would be after finding an intact Playboy magazine lying on the ground, yes, he was just that happy, he had finally downloaded the 1.16 patch for Wracraft Three: The Frozene Throne, and he was about to play the two Orc bonus campaign chapters, having only recieved the game recently. Grinning happily, he moved the cursor to chapter two and he was about to double click on it when a yell reached his ears."  
  
"Li, Li!!!"  
  
Groaning heavily, the author stood from his chair and turned to the door, seeing one of his many berserker's running towards him, he waited as the warrior ran to his door, finally reaching it and hitting his head on the door frame promptly knocking him out.  
  
"...I wasn't exactly expecting that."  
  
Walking over to the door, he slapped the warrior awake, who quickly stood up and smashed his head on the door frame again, knocking himself out again.  
  
"Oh well, probabaly wasn't important."  
  
A pair of berserker's being flung into the wall by a large blast contradicted Li's statement, sighing in frustration, he walked into the hallway.  
  
"It's never easy."  
  
A/N: "What the hell? where's our chapter, you bastard!!" Is probably what you're saying, yes, I know what you're saying, I'm that powerful, anyways, I bet you want to know what's up with this chapter, well it's not a chapter, it's a story intermission. The purpose of these are well to branch off from the story for a little while, the reason being well, running out of fuel for the story, and I these intermission's will break away from the main story, the way this will help me is give me something new to write so to speak, something with the drive I have when I first begin writing a story, it'll probably happen once every couple chapters or it may never happen again, we'll just have to wait and see. I know it's short but it's not meant to be long, it's a little skit. Also I've discovered a new addiction, Warcraft 3, and I've learned several things...human units have the BEST pissed off quotes, The New Horde kicks serious ass, Night Elves are beyond freaking cool and I hate Undead. Sorry, no reviewer commentary this chapter. 


	9. Solving Problems

Not So Important Mission's

Chapter 8

By Li Katsuya

"Get down!!!"

Berserker 1 dove to the side, narrowly avoiding an explosion that sent three of his comrades flying into the air. Cursing silently to himself, he crawled over to the upturned couch where a frantic, Berserker 47 was nursing a bleeding leg.

"We can't hold this position much longer!" The pink clad Berserker screamed to his leader. "They'll overrun us with the hour."

The black clad leader cursed once more beneath his breath as another explosion went off behind him.

"We have to hold the living room!" Berserker 1 bellowed. "If they overrun us here, they'll have a clear shot for kitchen and if we lose that, we lose the war!"

"Screw the war, we should just defect!" Berserker 47 retorted. "You know Li's not coming back, it's been two and a half years!"

The black armored warrior fell silent for a moment, letting his mind wander as bullets flew past his head. In the two and a half years Li had disappeared, the Berserker's had split into two factions the Li Hater's and the Li Hater's Who Don't Wanna Piss Him Off By Defecting In Case He Comes Back. The LH faction grew in numbers as time went by, until over three fourths of the total Berserker's had joined them. They had staged a coup and for the past month a brutal war raged within the author's house, leaving it nothing more than a smoldering ruin. Thankfully the battle had not affected any of the neighbor's, except for Mr. Pecker of course, but nobody really gave a damn.

Berserker 1 swore again, unsure of whether to risk eternal pain and misery…well more of it by defecting or stay loyal to an arrogant, narcissistic dickweed that toyed with people's lives. The answer seemed so simple, yet Berserker 1 knew life would find a way to bone him over.

"We can't be sure of that!" The ebony wearing warrior yelled back. "We have to hold this position!"

"To hell with that, I'm outta here!" Berserker 47 spat and stood up, limping away as quickly as he could.

"No, get down!"

Before the other Berserker even had a chance to turn around hey was struck by a volley of bullets. Berserker 1 could only watch in horror as his comrade was ripped to shreds, his mangled body falling onto a puddle of his own blood.

"No…NO!!!"

Suddenly the door flew open, though Berserker 1 was unsure why. Mostly because the walls around the door were destroyed and all that remained was the door frame which kinda defeated the purpose of even having the door when one could just walk around it. Despite the fact some one just used a door that they clearly didn't need to which was just ridiculous, that was not what surprised Berserker 1 the most. The fact that Li stepped through the door did.

The teenager still retained most of his shaggy look, though the peach fuzz on his face could now be classified as coconut hair. Still the same black shirt as always, same pair of baggy jeans, same sneakers.

Two more people stepped through the door, one man, one woman. The man was clearly the tallest, standing a little over six feet tall with a scythe slung over his shoulder. While Li could be called gangly, the older man had a lean, strong build to him. Black hair messier than Li's covered his head and fell into his impassive golden eyes, which were almost covered by a pair of dark spectacles. He wore a long red coat while his chest was covered in a brown vest with a white short underneath. He wore a pair of plain black pants upon his legs, with a knife and sheath strapped to his right leg; he ended his ensemble with a pair of brown boots.

The woman was almost adhered to the man's arm, a look of pure bliss on her face. She was strikingly beautiful, with long silver hair and dark green eyes. She wore a simple blouse, deep gray with the sleeves noticeable lighter in shade. Her skirt matched her blouse in color, though it revealed her right leg while covering most of her left. Thigh high black boots cover most of her legs while the rest were hidden by bandages. In her seemingly delicate gloved left hands she held a fancy umbrella.

Despite their seemingly normal appearance, Berserker 1 felt something when the pair looked his way. Power, unrivaled power yet it was tempered by what he believed to be benevolence.

The black clad warrior's thoughts were ripped from the subject as Li suddenly lifted his right hand. He snapped his fingers and everything returned normal, all the damaged disappeared and all of the dead Berserker's came back to life.

Li smirked a little and adjusted his glasses before beginning to walk upstairs, on the fourth stp he turned and looked like he was about to say something but then his foot missed the fifth step. Li fell forward, hit his head on the stairs, fell backwards and smashed the back of his head against the floor and lay on the ground unconscious for five minutes before the female newcomer poked him in the head with her foot. The teen immediately shot up and began gathering pieces of his shattered ego before hurriedly walking up the stairs, the two strangers in tow.

Berserker 1 stood dumbfounded as Berserker 2, the leader of the Li Hater's, walked up next to him and scratched his head.

"Look's like it's back to the same old routine, eh?" The yellow armored warrior stated off handedly.

Berserker 1 immediately lifted his open palm to the other warrior's face, as if expecting something.

"Not one to forget, are ya?" Berserker 2 grumbled as he pulled out his checkbook and began writing an amount. After a moment of scribbling he handed the check to Berserker 1. "There's your five hundred bucks for the bet, ya greedy bastard."

Berserker 1 ignored the quip and quickly ran up the stairs, check in hand. It was time to get some answers from their supposed boss.

----

"Does the incident on the stairs happen often?" Asked the silver haired woman as she sat on the dark haired man's lap as he sat on Li's bed, her umbrella in the corner along with her apparent lover's scythe.

"Often enough, Zosime." The shaggy haired youth grumbled as he nursed his bruised cheek.

"So shouldn't you tell us why you brought us?" Zosime asked before quickly adding. "Besides the fact that we're your original characters and you're using us as advertisement to show your fan, if you have any left, that you are more then a crappy author that can only write something entertaining if it's about somebody else's work because you don't have an original thought in your head."

"…You're lucky I like your character concepts so much…"

The silver haired woman giggled and snuggled closer to the dark haired man,

"Jeez, get a room…"

"Hey, Royce and I are married!" The woman declared. "We're just displaying our affection and it's not my fault your story has us separated for over nine hundred years."

"Look, enough with cuddling contest, I sleep in that bed. Go find a closet or something."

"How rude!"

Before the argument could escalate, Berserker 1 burst through door.

"Boss, where the hell were you?!" The black clad warrior demanded.

"I went out for milk." Li said plainly.

"That was two and a half years ago…" Berserker 1 stated.

"Admittedly I got a bit distracted." Li started, before waving a hand. "But that no longer matters, I'm here to resume the operation."

"So…it begins again…"

"Yeah, now where's Yoshimitsu?"

"Remember what happened with Astaroth?"

"No, but since I don't want to do a flashback sequence let's just pretend that I do."

"…Right, well he's been orbiting the Earth for the past thirty months and today just happens be the day he'll reenter the atmosphere, to land in this very spot no less."

"Convenient."

"Not really, I mean it's all done by your will."

"Oh yeah…man, I love having complete control of reality."

"I know, sir, I know."

Suddenly a screaming became audible and the floor of Li's room suddenly turned into solid concrete. A second later the purple clad ninja smashed through the ceiling and hit the ground with an audible crunch, leaving several large cracks in floor.

"How did the floor change to concrete?" Zosime asked.

"That would be the metaphysical awesomeness that is me." Li answered.

"Then why didn't you change into something that wouldn't shatter every bone in his body?"

Li stared at Zosime for a few minutes, before clearing his throat.

"Um, I don't understand the question…" Li asked, scratching his head sheepishly.

"Why did you hurt him?" Zosime asked.

"What else am I supposed to do with him besides use him to spy on people in a manner that usually results in him being dismembered."

"Can't you, y'know…not hurt him?"

"Your idea's, radical as they may be, intrigue me, tell me more about…not hurting people."

This time Zosime stared at Li for a few moments, before sighing loudly and shaking her head.

"You know what?" She began. "Never mind, I doubt I could be much help."

"All right, I'll just forget everything you said about sympathy towards my fellow living creatures."

"Super."

"Uh, boss?" Berserker 1 started to ask.

"Oh, right." Li exclaimed as he snapped his fingers at Yoshimitsu, who instantly jumped to his as if he had not suffered the horrible injuries that would surely result from hitting solid concrete after falling over ten miles and burning up in reentry.

"What happened?" The bewildered ninja asked.

"You spent the last two and a half years being useless to me." Li answered simply.

"Really? I could've sworn that I died and went to heaven."

"Then obviously your delusional from the excess amount of narcotics you've been using to escape reality."

"Well, since you are the single biggest asshole in the entire multiverse, that does make sense."

"Wonderful, now that that's settled, allow me to give you your new orders. Berserker 1!"

"Sir!"

"You will retain your position as Headquarters chief of security and will also take over the administrative duties cause I'm too lazy to do it."

"Figures…"

"What?"

"I said, yessir."

"Good, Zosime?"

"Yes?" The silver haired girl asked.

"You will lead a new field task squad, Berserker's with homoerotic tendencies."

"Which Berserker's are those?"

"The ones running around in pink armor."

"Ah, okay."

"Now Royce you take over field task squad, Berserker's without homoerotic tendencies aka everybody else."

"…" said Royce.

"Royce?"

"…"

"Royce?!"

"He already said 'alright' twice!" Zosime declared.

"When?"

"After you asked him, of course."

"I didn't even hear him, how did you?"

"Fourteen hundred years of marriage."

"…Anyway, Yoshimitsu?"

"Yeah?"

"You will work directly under Royce and Zosime, you will continue your espionage, but you will report to them."

"Got it."

"All right, you know what you have to do."

Everyone nodded. Yoshimitsu disappeared in a puff of smoke, while Royce and Zosime grabbed their weapons and stepped through a portal Royce had created. After the energy of the portal disappeared, Berserker 1 stepped up towards Li.

"Fourteen hundred years?" The bewildered warrior asked.

"Obviously they're not human…" Li answered simply, a slight smirk on his face.

"Yeah, but then what are they?"

"I'm going to ambiguous that until I can use it to surprise the fans."

"If you have any fans left."

"Shut up."

"So do you just continue where you left off?"

"Yup, their partying over some big win."

"Sounds scandalous."

"Oh come on, these guys are serious fighters, I'm sure their not doing anything all that bad."

----

Hwang groaned as he held up Seung Mina's hair whilst she deposited the contents of her stomach into a bucket in a dark corner. Looking up he saw the rest of his group not faring any better than he.

Maxi was currently totally shit-faced and stripping for the female patron's of the bar, many of which were completely smitten by one of the heroes of the town. Amidst the crowd of screaming women was an equally sloshed Taki who tossing the groups hard earned cash at the stripping swashbuckler.

Not far away Kilik was currently passed out after a single pint of ale at his table, while across from him Xianghua was busy trying to laugh herself into a coma.

"This will not end well." A familiar voice commented.

Hwang turned to his right, where a very sober looking Mitsurugi sat at a table.

"You seem well off." Hwang said wirily.

"So do you." Mitsurugi shot back.

"High alcohol tolerance."

"Same here.

The two men engaged in a staring contest for a moment before the sound of Seung Mina's retching grew too loud to ignore.

"Right, I think it's time we got these drunks upstairs." Hwang suggested.

"Yeah, I don't we need to move Kilik and Xianghua, and Maxi's earning us some good money, so I say we move Mina and Taki."

Hwang nodded and proceeded to lift the sick Mina into his arms, at which point he headed upstairs. Mitsurugi on the other hand was having a bit of a problem with his quarry, mostly because said quarry was attempting to suck on his tongue.

"Taki!" Mitsurugi exclaimed, wrestling the kunoichi away from him. "Control yourself."

"Oh come on, that's what all my ninja teachers say, can't I just let loose for once." She pleaded trying to cuddle against.

"Your not letting loose, you're being loose."

"You know you like it."

Taki at that point did what Mitsurugi guessed to be a seductive look, but with so much alcohol in her system she just ended up blinking a few times to make sure she could still see.

"Well, since you're scrambled and thus will not remember this conversation anyway, yes I do like you, I'm not sure if it's in that way."

"Then come let's do it!"

"Taki, while agreeing to your request will probably lead to a session of sex that would make a hardcore pornographer blush, I am farsighted enough to know when you wake up you will have a hangover and be very pissed at. No doubt you will take frustration out on me and quite frankly you will break me in ways I did not know I could break. So while the idea of having sex with you is certainly appealing, I must decline on the grounds that I really, really like my ability to walk."

"Take me now, or I castrate you." Taki said holding one of her kodachi under the seam of his pants.

"Okay." Mitsurugi said, lifting her into his arms.

Walking up the stairs quickly, they made it to there room. Mitsurugi opened the door for Taki.

"My, what a gentleman."

Mitsurugi had little time do anything but whimper as Taki grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into the room.

A/N: Well, what can I say to appease you animals? Nothing I figure. Heh heh, Im not gonna suddenly explain myself, cause would lead to excuses, and I don't think any of you are in the mood for that. Will I write another chapter soon? Probably not, but that's because college finals are coming up. Alright, that's the only excuse I'll use. Well, I hope you liked it, I hope I still got the mojo…Yes, I swear I'll never say mojo again.


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